I was working with one of my “B.E. Partnering” clients, who is an extremely successful individual on Wall Street, and he was perplexed as to why he experiences financial success in his world, but is unable to find someone to share his life with and develop an intimate relationship. I asked him if he would mind if I shared his story with all of BRANDENTITY, and he agreed. What I learned from him was that his relationships fell into one of three categories:
- External beauty with internal emptiness
- Geographically undesirable
- Repeat offenders, or in other words, constantly pursuing the same type person from a prior unsuccessful relationship while expecting a different result.
This gentleman defines the concept of “desiring the undesirable” because the women he pursues are undesirable in more ways than they are actually desirable. He is turned on by challenging relationships and continues to pursue people with absolutely no chance of survival. He went as far as to admit that from the onset of most of his relationships, he is cognizant that the union will be short lived. He continued to tell me about a woman who lives in his apartment building, who he described as the “total package,” possessing both beauty inside and out, but since he feels she is “too available,” he continues to date the emotionally empty, the geographically undesirable, or the repeat offenders.
I often struggle to understand why people feel the need to pursue relationships that will result in more difficulty than pleasure. I always thought this behavior would dissipate with maturity and age, but as I have developed and become more conscious to my surrounding environment, I have realized that in some cases, the drama magnifies. There are people who choose to marry the undesirable, and in turn, live a life that is empty, hostile, and lacking in love. I believe the most critical emotion that must be experienced is LOVE, which is devastating to live without. Therefore, why do we allow ourselves to self-destruct by spending our time with “the undesirable?”
Many of you might not be able to relate with “desiring the undesirable” because you are in a solid relationship or marriage, and feel like you are falling more in love with each passing day. If this is the case, then I commend you, but at the same time, I guarantee there are people in your world who are inflicted with this challenging love syndrome. But I am going to state that love should NOT be a battle, it should NOT be a constant struggle, and it most certainly should NOT be absent from a relationship. I do believe that when we desire the undesirable, we are mistaking infatuation for love, and more often than not, allowing the excitement of what lies ahead to influence our decision. I do believe that some people find love in all the wrong places, which adds a level of difficulty to an already complex connection. I also believe it is possible to turn an undesirable relationship into a desirable one, but there are certain factors, that could impinge on whether or not a relationship of this nature will last.
There is not a universal strategy that will enable you to avoid the challenging love syndrome; however, I think it is important to experience these types of relationships in order to become clearer as to what you are truly looking for. This could result in broken hearts and divorce, but ultimately, if you take the time to look at your relationships on a deeper level, there will be many areas that will provide you with invaluable lessons. The key to this equation is NOT trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. If it is not meant to be, then please for your sake, and for the sake of the people in your world, DO NOT FORCE IT. Relationships that are forced lead to a compromised identity for both parties and a life of emptiness.
When we were children our parents told us that there are many fish in the sea, aka potential life partners; and although this is a simple cliché, it is 100% true. Therefore, if your internal voice is saying “NO,” then I encourage you to listen because desiring the undesirable will potentially result in the most important emotion being vacant from your world…LOVE!
Are you currently “desiring the undesirable”…This could be in a relationship, career, friendship, etc.? Please explain…
What does this mean to you? Please leave a comment.
Acknowledgements for the picture from Flickr
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