December

8

2009

Are You Using Your POA?

Post image for Are You Using Your POA?

I was having a pleasant debate with a friend the other day about the concept of acceptance. He began expressing his intense feelings about the semantics of this word because he believes that there is an aura of “weakness” associated with this term, signifying giving up. This conversation was eye opening for me because many of the points he made were completely valid and I firmly believe is part of the mainstream thought process.

When you think of the term “acceptance,” what is the first thing that comes to your mind? I can imagine that it instigates feelings of emptiness, regret, deceit, or even exhaustion because the memory of whatever it is that you are holding onto feels like you are literally carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. This emotion has the potential to present a barrier to your personal growth, as your frustration and animosity for what once was has a paralyzing affect on your overall well-being. This unfortunate sense of consciousness might consume your mind as you begin to reflect on what happened in your past.

Path Of Achievement

I am not sure how palatable the term acceptance is for you, but what I can tell you is that there is infinite potential associated with its meaning. It deals with letting go of the frustrations of yesterday in order to enjoy the moments of today; it focuses on knocking down emotional barriers which have presented roadblocks to your personal growth; and as Denis De Rougamont once said, “Happiness can exist only in acceptance.” Because the Power Of Acceptance will enable you to travel down the Path Of Achievement.

This path is headed in the direction of your personal BRANDENTITY–where you begin to live the life that you create for yourself, as opposed to the life that someone or something has created for you to live. In this scenario, the something that is stealing your identity is simply a memory, one that has impacted the way you live your life for quite some time, but I am here to tell you that you have the ability to recognize what took place in your past. This acceptance has nothing to do with giving up, but everything to do with giving to yourself and moving forward.

The Directions

When traveling down the path of achievement, it is important to bring directions, so that you know exactly where you are looking to go and what you are aspiring to achieve. Therefore, I am going to provide you with 6 Steps that will enable you to accept what happened long ago and start living in an entirely new way.acceptance2

  • Write a list of areas where acceptance would heal- The first step is to determine exactly where your frustrations are taking place in your life. It could be a prior relationship, your career, past events or anything else that tends to surface in your world.
  • Picture yourself when you were child - What stress existed at this stage of development? Maybe this was a crayon that was broken, a peer knocking down your blockhouse, or having a crush and being denied.
  • Envision yourself 5 years into the future- This will enable you to look at the current situation in your life through an outside perspective.
  • LaughWhen you have placed yourself in the future, in a figurative sense, and then look back at the prior years, you will begin to LAUGH because the areas which resulted in stress were nothing in the big picture of life. Similar to how the emotions associated with a broken crayon are of little importance.
  • Take Action – Now that you have laughed at your past self because of the stress which you ALLOWED into your life, it is time to TAKE ACTION and begin accepting. This might result in calling long lost friends, forcing yourself to move on, or making amends between family members. The stress associated with these negative events does not serve you, but rather consumes you, and needs to be eliminated from your existence.
  • Recycle – We are all human beings, and as a result, this is not a one-time process and instead something that needs to be utilized and implemented on a regular basis in order to induce sustained change.

Life as a Puzzle

It is important that you clearly understand the quote by Denis De Rougamont because this captures the essence of acceptance as it is IMPOSSIBLE, to be happy until we accept what took place in our past. Remember, life is a puzzle, one that has millions of pieces which represent experiences that have taken place in your world. Similar to how a puzzle needs all of its pieces to be complete, your life needs all of the experiences for you to grow and establish your personal BRANDENTITY. Some of these experiences will be ones that you cherish for a lifetime, and others will represent areas of your life that you resent, such as a difficult upbringing, arguments with in-laws, a horrible marriage, or mistakes from the past. But what I encourage you to realize is that until you learn to accept what you are still holding onto, there will be no room for positive experiences in the NOW. So remember, the semantics of the term acceptance mean nothing because the Power Of Acceptance will enable you to travel down the Path Of Achievement, to a place where opportunities become endless, happiness is a virtue and your BRANDENTITY is revealed.

What area of your life can you begin using your POA?

What does this mean to you? Please leave a comment.

Acknowledgements for picture 1 and picture 2 from Flickr.

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{ 88 comments… read them below or add one }

Lisa December 9, 2009 at 1:18 pm

I have a different view of “acceptance.” To me, it isn’t a negative, but rather the basis for real love – to accept someone for who and what they are, regardless of their “flaws” or the little things about them that drive you crazy. This is important for learning to love yourself as well. As much as I’d like to change the shape of my nose or the fact that I hold grudges and remember every conversation I’ve ever had, or that I just can’t seem to put the cap back on the toothpaste properly, they’re part of who I am. Likewise, it’s impossible to truly love another person if you’re hoping they’re going to “change” at some point down the road.

Acceptance has also been a valuable part of healing for me – the acceptance of not being able to change the past, but to understand that I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t let myself make those mistakes and learn from them. If I could go back and change something, who knows if the effect it would have on my present self would really be for the better? Accepting what we can’t change and moving forward is probably the most positive thing anyone can do for their own growth.

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JY December 9, 2009 at 10:35 pm

Lisa..I would first like to thank you for your contributions and WELCOME to BRANDENTITY! I completely resonate with your response because I personally believe that acceptance is an extremely positive component to our lives and as a result, will lead to living a life worth living. When we do not accept, we are holding onto the pieces of yesterday, instead of having the whole thing today. This is one of the loneliness places to be because the people in your world often do not understand why these emotions are surfacing and where they even came from.

I really admire your ability to discuss the concept of love. The comment you made, “it’s impossible to truly love another person if you’re hoping they’re going to “change” at some point down the road,” is 100% the truth. We need to love the person in our world for who they are TODAY, not who they will be TOMORROW. Accept them for who they are or do not embark on this adventure together. Love is fragile and something that needs congruency in order to work. Without two partners, working together, accepting one another, and falling more in love with each passing day, the possibilities of a long lasting relationship diminish with time….

Thank you again for all that you do!

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Neil July 12, 2014 at 4:37 am

The type of physician I would like to work for is a Pediatrician. Pediatrician’s saptielcy is to work with children. I have been working with children for a long time mainly because I work at a daycare facility. I’ve got to a point where I feel like I can handle anything that will come my way with them. It would also leave me feeling good at the end of the day to know that I have helped in some way to make a child feel better.The type of physician I would not care to work for is a Epidemiologist. Epidemiologist’s specialize in epidemics caused by infections agents and also work with sexually transmitted diseases. I feel if I were to work in this type of saptielcy I would be putting my self at risk of exposure to these infectious agents. Also I would be focusing a lot of my time on trying to not get infected instead of having a steady mind on what I was actually supposed to be doing.

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Elisabeth Davies December 9, 2009 at 4:30 pm

Dear Jared,
I appreciated your article about ‘acceptance.’
Acceptance is one of the 4 keys to ending emotional suffering.
I agree with you that ‘not accepting’ what is, can keep us stuck and hold us back from moving forward emotionally.
One of the most awesome benefits I have expeienced from ‘accepting’ is a more harmonious relationship with myself and with others.
Acceptance is a great skill to master!
P.S. I love the nature pics you have on your website. They are awesome!
Blessings in all that you do:)
Elisabeth Davies,MC
http://www.brightalternatives.com

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JY December 9, 2009 at 10:37 pm

Elisabeth…WELCOME TO BRANDENTITY!!!! I so appreciate your willingness to share your own victories by using the powerful concept of acceptance. I was recently speaking at a seminar and I told the people in the audience, LET GO of what once was, ACCEPT what is, and REACH for what will be! This will allow you to finally live a life where you are in touch with your authentic self. What are the other 3 Keys to ending emotional suffering as you define it?

Thank you again for all that you do and keep on being YOU!

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Suhail July 5, 2014 at 9:29 am

I generally agree with eehrytving you say here.My weight problems (and drinking problems) were largely due to consuming for comfort. In May 2002 I was 315lbs. Through various methods I got down to 265-270 in the next ~year and then in 2008 I started Fast-5 Intermittent Fasting and am now hovering in the 215 range (but dropping slowly again with lower carb intake).

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Thanks for spending time on the computer (writing) so others don’t have to.

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good benchmark July 8, 2014 at 6:49 am

That’s a mold-breaker. Great thinking!

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Maria July 11, 2014 at 2:23 pm

I am currently fihnsniig up my BA in Child Development and Family Studies and thus far I have only work with children from 2 weeks to adolescent while helping support their families. The Physician that I would want to work under is an Obstetrics (OB) because they are in direct contact with pregnant women and their children during pregnancy. I would choose this particular specialty for a variety of reason such as having the opportunity to see individuals become parent for the first time, seeing how much love is surrounded in the process, being there to help the mothers while there in a vulnerable state. One of my main reasons is because I think that the whole birthing process is fascinating and to be able to be a part of family’s lives while going through this process, I imagine to be extremely rewarding.A of physician specialty that I would least want to work with would be a psychiatrist. Although I believe that psychiatrist do some spectacular work and help a lot of people through difficult situations I personally believe that this job would be to emotionally draining and overwhelming for me. This makes me question whether or not I would be able to handle it. When I set out to do a job my goal is to do the best that I can and I don’t feel that I could successfully do this job to the best of my ability.

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Barbara Wainwright December 9, 2009 at 5:00 pm

For me, acceptance is the key to serenity.
When you are ready to lay down the sword and experience peace in your life, acceptance will lead the way.

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JY December 9, 2009 at 10:39 pm

Barbara…you are an excellent communicator and I so appreciate this response! I can tell that you “own” this interpretation and have implemented it in your world. Thank you for being you and thank you for sharing such an inspiring message!

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Stephanie December 9, 2009 at 5:50 pm

A lot of people think of the serenity prayer when they think of acceptance – but only the first part of it! The entire prayer by Reinhold Niebour:

The earliest known version of the prayer, from 1937, has been found in a Christian student newsletter (”The Intercollegian and Far Horizons”), which claimed to reprint the prayer from an earlier edition of the newsletter, and attributes the prayer to Niebuhr in this form: (from Wikipedia)
“Father, give us courage to change what must be altered, serenity to accept what cannot be helped, and the insight to know the one from the other.”
The most popular version, whose authorship is unknown, reads:
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can change, And wisdom to know the difference.”
The longest version has these additional lines:
“Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen.”

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace – that’s what I think about.

Stephanie

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JY December 9, 2009 at 10:42 pm

Stephanie…This is absolutely beautiful! Thank you for sharing this excerpt because it defines the POWER OF ACCEPTANCE that will lead you to the PATH OF ACHIEVEMENT. Accepting is most definitely the pathway to peace because it finally allows you to come to terms with yourself! Once again, thank you for all that you do and thank you for teaching the lessons of acceptance!

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Melanie Gordon Sheets, Ph.D. December 10, 2009 at 9:52 pm

We have a choice to accept difficulties as they come our way…
To lean into them and to get a game plan for dealing with them
AND a choice to Follow Tthrough until we can Get Through…
OR we can choose to avoid, ignore, and numb-out our pain and problems
And stagnate in our pain and suffering.

When we choose to confront things
With an attitude of acceptance
That gives us the serenity to change the things we can
And the wisdom to know our limits.

Acceptance of our life situation and what we need to do about it…is a way of turning suffering we cannot tolerate into pain we can tolerate. It’s a way of turning hopelessness into hope. Most of us have been suffering the pain of our lifestyle and choices for years…and somehow, we remain willing to experience ongoing pain and misery because of them. We’re somehow willing to suffer long-term pain, but we’re not willing to go through the temporary pain of change. We’re somehow willing to dwell in a painful past, to remain in painful situations, and to continue painful addictions and impulsive behavior. We do so because we’re unwilling to accept and undergo the changes that will bring peace and stability. (page 313, The DBT-CBT “Out-of-Control” Workbook cited below)

Radical Acceptance involves accepting what we’d normally consider unacceptable. When we LIVE BY Radical Acceptance, we CAN ACCEPT something whether or not we approve of it and whether or not it’s right or wrong, fair or unfair, or pleasant or unpleasant. Radical Acceptance is about CHOOSING TO ACCEPT whatever is in our best interests to accept.

We MUST ACCEPT whatever we HAVE TO accept because NON-ACCEPTANCE keeps us emotionally troubled and stuck in negativity. To have peace, we must accept many things whether or not they’re acceptable. We must accept things from the past and present. Anything in the past that’s unfixable, we need to LET IT GO. Anything in our current life that we CANNOT CHANGE, we need to accept that it MAY NOT change. Anything we CAN change, we must LEAN INTO…to MAKE THE CHANGES we CAN MAKE. Our Recovery Goal is to live a life that MAXIMIZES peace, stability, meaning, and productivity. To do that, we MUST ACCEPT what has happened HAS HAPPENED, what we’ve done, WE’VE DONE…then, we need to LET IT GO…so we can GO ON with life. (page 316, From “Out-of-Control: A Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) – Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Workbook for Getting Control of Our Emotions and Emotion-Driven Behavior” (2009) – Melanie Gordon Sheets, Ph.D. )
http://www.dbt-cbt-workbook.com

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JY December 11, 2009 at 10:47 pm

Melanie…I do not even know where to begin because your response and interpretations of the term acceptance is 100% congruent with the way I view this word. There are a few points that I would like to emphasize because they are powerful beyond measure.

1. “is a way of turning suffering we cannot tolerate into pain we can tolerate.” This deals with focusing on the short or long term pain that exists in your world. When we accept we are forced to re-live, re-experience, and re-enact events which took place in our lives. The emotions which surface could be defined as overwhelming, frightening, and somewhat unstable. What I have found is that when people pursue their journey to freedom, they experience a “squat,” which is a term used in business where an organization is changing their ways and the initial response is one where it takes one step backwards, to eventually take two steps forward. This philosophy relates to the next point that I would like to address…

2. “We’re somehow willing to suffer long-term pain, but we’re not willing to go through the temporary pain of change.” Many organizations are unwilling to make changes because of the fear associated with the squat and instead continue to do the same thing over and over while expecting a different result. When we hold onto the pieces of yesterday, the result is avoiding the inevitable because we allow ourselves to live with the burden of whatever it is that stole our identity at one point in time, as opposed to addressing it and letting it go! This relates with the third point that I would like to emphasize…

3. “We MUST ACCEPT whatever we HAVE TO accept because NON-ACCEPTANCE keeps us emotionally troubled and stuck in negativity. To have peace, we must accept many things whether or not they’re acceptable. We must accept things from the past and present. Anything in the past that’s unfixable, we need to LET IT GO. ” I could not have communicated this in any other way because the resistance to accept will lead to emotional drainage and the feeling of being out of control in your own world.

Therefore, LET GO of what once was, ACCEPT what is, and REACH for what will be…

I hope you continue commenting on my messages because your interpretations define powerful!

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Roy Caudill December 11, 2009 at 9:20 pm

Jared, keep up the great work.

Acceptance crosses many boundries in our personal and emotional lifes. Accepting anything as it is without triggering any emotions other than love is key. It is much easier said than done because many of us have a measurement system for acceptance and respond accordingly. Responding with forgiveness and love pays dividens. RCC

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JY December 12, 2009 at 12:25 am

Roy…DITTO!!! Responding with forgiveness and love will pay dividends 100 times over. Acceptance is definitely one of the more difficult realization in our lives because it forces us to face situations which may have resulted in pain in our past. But once we realize that acceptance will heal and bring a surge of love into our world, we will start the process and like you said, “crosses many boundries in our personal and emotional lives..”

As always…GREAT WORK ROY!

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Melanie Gordon Sheets, Ph.D. December 16, 2009 at 10:09 pm

Therefore, LET GO of what once was, ACCEPT what is, and REACH for what will be…

Wow! Like that…just might quote ya now and then! I really like that…

You’re doing a great job with the blog and collection of writings and philosophies…and you’re use of and interpretations carries it to a different level.

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JY December 16, 2009 at 11:18 pm

Thank you for your wonderful feedback and encouraging words. I actually developed that quote during my first speaking engagement EVER!!!!! I was so excited to have the opportunity to share my message that the words began to flow from my mouth and into the minds of the audience. During that speech, I came into my own, and realized that I was destined to do this on a much larger level. I appreciate you for bringing this quote to my conscious state because it has allowed me to recognize how far I have come….thank you for being you and I look forward to your future comments as well!

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Maya December 22, 2009 at 1:32 am

Hello Jared

As is with most words in any language – more so English as it faces vernacular usage too… Acceptance has myriad connotations – acceptance of self – yes can be a powerful tool, acceptance of circumstances …could have the potential to be debilitating unless you remind self – there is a silver lining in every cloud :)

This is where my name begins to make sense – in Sanskrit my name means Illusion – we believe this world , this life is real if you want it to be..isn’t if you don’t… how far does acceptance of this philosophy take one …chuckle… is debatable!

I like the ‘everyday’ nature of your topics… for by the very virtue of them being everyday, we often avoid facing them!

Regards!

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JY December 23, 2009 at 12:28 am

Hello Maya…

I am enjoyed reading your response because I get a sense that it has made you think! Acceptance definitely has a myriad of connotations, but personally, I believe that if you make the CHOICE to use this term in a positive light, then the result is FREEDOM. Accepting circumstances does not necessarily mean you remain stagnant and “wait,” but instead allow yourself to realize that you are independent of the situations in your external environment. We can only control how we react to these circumstances, not the circumstances themselves. I see where you believe that the term can be debilitating because those who accept and never take action, will digress to a place that is completely undesirable. I suppose the interpretation is based on the beholder, but my vision is that people accept what once was and reach for what will be, while enjoying what is!!!!!

WELCOME to BRANDENTITY and I am eager to read your responses as we progress….

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Emre July 6, 2014 at 8:57 am

A psychiatrist is a psiaycihn who specializes in the diagnosis and treatment of mental disorders. I have a bachelor’s degree in the social services field. For several years, I have worked with children who have been diagnosed with mental disorders. It is upsetting to see children victimize at an early age and even more disturbing to see them as predators as early as 5 years of age, however knowing that I am doing my part to assist them in becoming functioning youths and adults is rewarding. The empathy, confidentiality and maturity of a medical assistant are definitely needed in this area. I enjoy establishing a rapport with these clients and helping them to find adequate coping skills to deal with their disorders, therefore I would like to work for a psychiatrist.I would not like to work for an emergency psiaycihn for several reasons. I will explain a few. Patients who come to the emergency center typically have serious injuries or trauma. I would not like to have my mind constantly focused on who is coming thru the door and how sever the prognosis is. Knowing myself, I know that would be my focus and I would not be very productive. Also, in the emergency room the staff has to be prepared for anything, I would prefer an area that focuses on a particular specialty. Most importantly, I do not wish to see excessive amounts of blood loss on a regular basis. Actually, not even a minimal amount of blood loss on a regular basis. Giving my opinion and thoughts about this specialty, I would not be an effective employee.

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donna rowe December 24, 2009 at 8:59 pm

acceptance is first a matter of accepting yourself. once you’re able to do that, everything else seems to fall into place. no one can expect that everyone is going to accept them for who they are (by the grace of god i am who i am), but in the greater scheme of things, that’s not what is important. accceptance comes in many different forms and on many different levels. i accept myself. i am at peace. a 100% approval is not essential.

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JY December 24, 2009 at 10:50 pm

Thank you for sharing this message because you touched on one of the most profound occurrences that can take place in your life when it comes to acceptance of self. When this newfound realization is combined with a proactive mentality, I believe that we have the ability to shift our state which will yield results! Amazing!!!!

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Lori Bestler December 30, 2009 at 7:02 pm

Turning 50 this year, I have had the pleasure to reflect on the past half century and accept my self and life as is. With that I mean, because I accept me, perfectly imperfect, insecure and amazingly confident, incapable and incredibly talented, I can now accept others just as they are without trying to persuade them to think like me, without fighting to have my way, without placing judgment on others.

From what I have learned, most people are doing the best they can with what they have. That I can accept.

Acceptance is doing what I can with what I have, to gain what I want, to live what I view as a fulfilling and successful life. My positive choices equal my benefits. If by chance others choose to walk side by side with me to be their ultimate best too, in mind, body, and spirit, then WOO HOO, let’s go.
Bottom line, acceptance to me is allowing each individual to embrace their freedom of choice, and either reap the rewards or suffer the consequences; both of which are teachers and help us grow.

Acceptance is also being aware and a willing to change what is no longer serving your health, happiness, or success.

Lori Bestler-Positive Change Expert
http://www.mindscapesunlimited.com

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JY December 30, 2009 at 8:20 pm

WOW!!! This is a wonderful and truly authentic response. I love this passage:

“Acceptance to me is allowing each individual to embrace their freedom of choice, and either reap the rewards or suffer the consequences; both of which are teachers and help us grow.”

I am not sure if you read the book Living Wabi Sabi, but if not, please add this to your list for 2010. I believe you will resonate with the message in so many ways because it discusses being perfectly imperfect and accepting oneself, while always striving for EXCELLENCE, NOT perfection! Excellence happens to be a place of complete fulfillment regardless of the outcome because you know that you gave everything that you have, to whatever it is that you were looking to accomplish, and you have ACCEPTED the result!!!!

Amazing…Amazing…Amazing

Have a very HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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David Rose January 6, 2010 at 11:08 am

When you think of the term “acceptance,” what is the first thing that comes to your mind?

The first thing that comes to my mind is: peace.

Something else occurs to me, too:

I understand that ACCEPTANCE may be a decision reached, having previously experienced ‘NOT ACCEPTANCE’ about something or someone else – perhaps at the end of a war, a personal conflict, or even a battle of words…

I am a person who is sometimes more able to ‘veto’ the precognitions presented to me, than at other times… and I sometimes manage to repel the attacks of other people, when they attempt to out-play me, out-fight me, out-word me, out-importance me…

Sometimes I get carried along on other people’s anger, insecurities, and so on… sometimes, because I can feel these feelings, I think these feelings are mine, even when they belong to the other person… and then I remember: this is not me, this is that other person… this is not mine… it’s theirs…

As I accept that I respond unthinkingly in the ways stated above, I wonder if maybe other people are capable of this, too?

Responding before thinking?

And it would be arrogant and pompous of me to assume, let alone declare publicly, that everyone must be the same as me in this – or in any other – regard, but I do wonder if I am not the only person who behaves unthinkingly sometimes, driven by emotional responses to stimuli, at a precognitive level…

What if I only THINK I’ve ‘come up with’ a thought?

What if I am not in fact the originator of a thought at all?

What if I am the RECEIVER of a thought (or perhaps actually a precognition)? In other words, what if it HAPPENS to me?

What if my conscious function is to simply NOTICE what was a precognition so I am then in a position to CONSCIOUSLY DECIDE to either ‘own’ or ‘not own’ this thought?

So, maybe then, I receive a precognition and behaviorally respond to it, prior to consciously noticing that I’ve done so. An example of this would be when I ‘fly off the handle’ about something somebody has said or done, and then when I have calmed down, I wonder, “Why did I get so emotional?”

And then SUDDENLY I noticed the second paragraph of this excellent article!

I began to look at it as a hypnotic suggestion – what if, at a precognitive level, I (’unthinkingly’, at an unconscious level) received this information as a behavioral command and then responded to it?

Here it is again:

“I can imagine that it instigates feelings of emptiness, regret, deceit, or even exhaustion because the memory of whatever it is that you are holding onto feels like you are literally carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. This emotion has the potential to present a barrier to your personal growth, as your frustration and animosity for what once was has a paralyzing affect on your overall well-being. This unfortunate sense of consciousness might consume your mind as you begin to reflect on what happened in your past.”

- and I wondered if that could have had an effect on me – or maybe even others…

What if a person had read this with their conscious mind and had meant to respond to it consciously, but had also already responded to it at a pre-thinking level… how might they then behave instead?

I don’t think this statement, in itself, induces a feeling of acceptance, or peace… it may even have suggested the opposite emotionally… as I just re-read it again, I noticed I felt worse, not better… however I felt better having read the entire article, so the direction of this communication has (overall) taken me in a useful and healthy direction.

Is it sometimes useful to suggest a person feel bad and then lead hem to a feeling of comfort or happiness after wards? That’s what a lot of advertisements do, isn’t it? (”You haven’t done this, have you? Oh dear! This means you’ll die! Unless you BUY NOW! And you are GUARANTEED to FEEL GOOD!”)

It can also be useful in therapy, to connect a person with their feelings of grief or anxiety and then lead them to freedom.

At the unconscious level, we are very susceptible to language and to suggestion… this could perhaps also highlight the responsibility we have as ‘language weavers’… and the care we may like to take with our words… maybe even ask ourselves, “How might a person respond to this as a suggestion?” for instance.

Did you know that the Northern Ireland Peace Agreement in its original form was chunked so high up into vagueness that people at the opposite ends of a nasty religious-political divide found themselves agreeing with it and ALL SAYING YES to it.

So, once they had all signed up to this agreement, which seemed to favor THEM (whichever THEM they were), they were now willing to make a small compromise when it chunked down slightly into greater detail – it seemed the fair thing to do!

Acceptance to me has sometimes been the last thing on my mind… Many times I would have much rather been right than happy – and this is often still the case with me – but I do accept myself today and I accept that you may respond in whatever way you see fit.

Best wishes and thanks for a great blog, Jared!

David.

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JY January 6, 2010 at 9:55 pm

David…This is a fascinating response because it covers every conceivable interpretation of not only my message, but the concept of acceptance as a whole. You expressed what is on your mind in a profound way which is why people will have the ability to resonate with sections of what you wrote. I would like to emphasize one point because it is a response that many people have sent to me through a private medium. At the conclusion of this response you said the following, “Many times I would have much rather been right than happy…” This is an interesting statement to dissect because as human beings we often allow our emotions to control our reactions to various situations. What tends to happen is that we regret our actions once we realize that they were not congruent with who we are as a person. This knee jerk reaction is unfortunately common and I believe instigated when we either feel as if we were belittled or if our values were invaded. Regardless of when it happens, this is our EGO speaking as we are no longer in control of the words or actions which are taken. The key to this equation is to begin to realize that being “RIGHT” does not necessarily mean that you will be at PEACE. Therefore, I encourage all of us to take ONE SECOND before responding in order to make sure that the words which leave our lips are the words that we desire to communicate…

Thank you for sharing and I would be honored to have you comment on a regular basis because this will benefit the entire IDENTITY REVOLUTION!

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Nick Hill January 6, 2010 at 11:28 am

The following comments are taken from a Linkedin discussion where contributors appeared to be goading eachother amongst a discussion about the term ‘acceptance .’ It had bubbled over into on on-line free for all!

To see the full content click here (http://tinyurl.com/ye8d4oq )

“All this ill feeling over a nominalisation…..

Funny how some have given their version of what acceptance means to them but their later dialogue would be to the contrary.

Let’s ACCEPT that everyone is different, accept different POV’s, accept that we will all have a different description for what acceptance means to us all and accept that if discussions are moving away from the point and towards 1-2-1 death match status that we ACCEPT that this may happen.

Acceptance in human comms is a 2 way process – you have to accept and be accepted for a relationship to work. The conditions have to be right for both parties to accept. You can be accepting of a situation yet not be accepted in that situation.

Acceptance is going with the flow in a context after having considered/viewed the situation and realising that it is in line with your values, beliefs – from my pov anyway.

No right or wrong answer to the question, just an individuals ‘description’ of a word based on their experience. “

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JY January 6, 2010 at 9:59 pm

Nick…I also recognized that the discussion in Linkedin was about acceptance, yet few people were actually accepting of each other’s interpretation of the word. I think that the key distinction that you addressed is that there is truly no right or wrong answer to what acceptance means because the response is always based on our life experiences and our interpretation of how these events impacted the “who we are.” Thank you for sharing this wonderful comment and I am eager to read your interpretations on other messages as well..

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valentijn von Morgen January 7, 2010 at 12:06 pm

First thing come to my mind is ‘letting go and moving on”. Acceptance of negative feelings in the process of understanding them, dealing/learning from them opposed to dwelling on them and staying stuck….

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JY January 7, 2010 at 11:49 pm

Simple, yet profound. I love the way you interpret this word because the emphasis needs to be on letting go and moving on to bigger, better, and more excitement in your present and future with endless possibilities and opportunities (I know this is a run on sentence, but I get excited!)….AMAZING!

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Malina July 12, 2014 at 12:21 pm

I’m pretty annoeyd in general with the way that the Manosphere has been handling the FA nonsense (and, make no mistake, it is nonsense.) There just seems to be no compassion for the fact that, in a country where 95% of the “official” diet advice (i.e. the USDA) is completely wrong, and 95% of diets fail, FA is a completely rational response.If you have spent 10-15 years steadily gaining weight, all while following the high-carb, low-fat advice spewed by doctors, nutritionists, and the government, weight loss must feel impossible. Thus, if you cannot lose weight, the next logical step is to accept your size, and ask others to do the same.So, for fat people, especially fat women, you have on the one hand advice GUARANTEED to keep you fat, and on the other hand, you have people essentially calling you an immoral leech because of your weight.So much of the Manosphere gloating about “fat hamsters” just feels… well, it feels purposefully mean for no good reason. I don’t understand how anyone could read, say, Hawaiian Libertarian, and still think that most people are fat because they are lazy cows.-M. Steve(This does not mean that there aren’t a tonne of lazy cows, of course, but I know how you feel about disclaimers.)

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Duygu January 11, 2010 at 10:10 am

I love the expression of Mawlana Rumi: ‘Either seem as you are or be as you seem’…This is the key to accept yourself of who you are or be accepted by other people…When we are happy with the way we are or the way people around us, nothing can make us unhappy:) Advice to everyone: Do not be fake! Someone will understand that you are faking:)

Poet from Rumi:
Come, come, whoever you are,

Wanderer, idolater, worshiper of fire,
Come even though you have broken your vows a thousand times,
Come, and come yet again.
Ours is not a caravan of despair

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JY January 12, 2010 at 1:31 am

I love that quote Duygu because when we are inauthentic with our acceptance, the people in our world will be completely aware of this futile effort. Acceptance is not a concept that can be taken lightly and rather requires the necessary time, energy, and effort of total immersion so that you learn the power of letting go and reaching for what will be!

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donna rowe January 15, 2010 at 5:52 am

hi. i sure wish i had more time to spend on this site. it is very uplifting and a reminder of the fact that i am who i am, i am a culmination of all that’s happened to me both good and bad. so that is who i am and i like that. the “semantics” of the word sound like something my daughter would have responded to in a similar way. i hope to, by example, to eventually help show her the true meaning of happiness and letting do of those things that keep her from experiencing true joy in her life. she once told me that her depression was unacceptable and starting working on that. that’s great. that was a big step for her. but she also told me that she didn’t want to be happy either. can you explain that to me because it just doesn’t make sense? i am a lucky woman. i have gone through so much adversity, so many bad things have happened to me. but you know, s..t happens, sometimes more to some people than others and i don’t know why. i don’t know how to convey to my daughter that that is ok. not that someone hurts you on purpose for instance, but just accept these things as a part of life, they’re over, and there is always more good awaiting you. if i had not experienced some of the (many of the) bad stuff, and accepted that it happened, and then let it go by integrating those experiences into who i am, i wouldn’t be so darned happy. i wouldn’t be as effective with troubled people. i would not have seen the miracles others said were impossible. the only thing that has been hard for me is my failing health. i refuse to accept the fact that i am ill. that’s why i have defied so many odds. even when i am in terrible pain and some days can’t function well physically, i still look forward. i still do not forget why i am on this earth and do not give up on my dreams and goals. yes. acceptance is often letting go of the bad and having fun defying odds, sharing who you are and how you got there with people that need to know you are “real” and that too can overcome adversity. unconditional love reaps so much beauty. i have been so blessed by the hundreds of people who have returned that love. so, yep. except the good with the bad and get on with it and life is a beautiful and treasured thing.

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JY January 17, 2010 at 9:59 pm

Thank you for sharing this wonderful response Donna and although you may desire to spend even more time immersing yourself into the site, I encourage you to cherish the time you are able to spend because I can already sense a different tone in your comments over the past few weeks.

Your daughter is battling with a dilemma that unfortunately inflicts the lives of people from all walks of life. Where they desire to let go of the past, or of their current circumstances, only to realize that their identity is their disorder, addiction, career, relationships, or DEPRESSION. This is where the concept of SELF WORTH enters into the picture because the people who are able to truly ACCEPT are the ones that feel worthy enough to make these changes in their lives. With regards to your daughter, she needs to find something to live for outside of her depression. I am not an advocate of looking OUTSIDE of oneself for the answer, but at the same time, I ALWAYS listen to my intuition and I believe your daughter needs to experience the ACT of GIVING for the sake of GIVING. What if she began donating her time at a non profit, working with underprivileged children, tutoring, joining Big Brothers Big Sisters, etc. I believe that one of the most profound solutions to depression is helping someone else who is suffering and as a result gaining an incredible degree of SELF WORTH. I obviously do not know your daughter, but this is what my intuition is telling me…

I also wanted to emphasize a point you made about your illness. I think it is important that you realize that everything that you wrote defies ACCEPTANCE of this challenge because acceptance has nothing to do with giving up, but rather everything to do with moving forward. You will not allow your illness to prevent you from living the life that you deserve and I so admire this tenacity. Donna, you are truly and inspiration and I encourage you to maintain and enhance your positive outlook on life because it will be contagious for those who come in contact with you, especially your daughter!

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Rob de Krieger January 26, 2010 at 2:18 am

As to ‘Acceptance’:
“Fair witness”, for me the best, if not the only way for total acceptance of WHAT IS.

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JY January 26, 2010 at 11:27 pm

Such a wonderful statement….thank you for sharing Rob!

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Steven Dewulf January 28, 2010 at 2:00 am

Acceptance to me means letting go of my model of the world, so I get to see things as they really are, stripped from my cognitive filters (deletion, deformation, generalisation,…) or personal preferences.

Acceptance does not mean to me I have to agree or passively undergo things. That would lead to indifference. The apparent paradox is that seeing the current situation (or problem state, if you wish) as it is, in acceptance, often spontaneously leads to a good outcome (or at least a first idea of it).

Metaforically: When the fog opens up, you see more clearly and so it is easier to know which way to go

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Floor February 3, 2010 at 9:30 am

In not too many words:
For me “acceptance” is saying ‘yes’ to the situation (any situation) or – if that proves too difficult – saying ‘yes’ to your (possibly negative) feelings about a situation.
It is a powerfull sign of strength, not of weakness.

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JY February 3, 2010 at 5:14 pm

You ended your comment in a profound manner because acceptance equals STRENGTH!!!

Thank you for your contribution….

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Paul Sheppard February 3, 2010 at 6:04 pm

The word acceptance for me:

The first thing that came to my mind was freedom and release

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JY February 3, 2010 at 8:20 pm

So simply..yet so true! Thank you for contributing….

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Donna Blinston February 6, 2010 at 7:31 am

For me acceptance is a natural and Necessary for everybody as a process of moving forward. I believe that it you, certainly I, have not accepted what has happpenend then it is either because there is still something I need to learn for myself from that event or something I have not delt with.

Once accepted I believe you can move forward, by intergrating the learnings and or feelings. They all serve a purpose, whether positive or negative, by understanding why they are there, you can acknowledge them and develop from them.

I believe if something has not been accepted them, then there is a potential for the person to carry it, as an unresourceful emotion, which for me, is not truely serving them (the person). In my experience things like that, tend to come back and bite you or hold you back, in the form of a limiting belief.

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JY February 6, 2010 at 8:02 pm

I like the way that you communicate this concept, especially this point:

“I believe if something has not been accepted them, then there is a potential for the person to carry it, as an unresourceful emotion, which for me, is not truely serving them (the person).”

I think one of the most profound questions for all of us to direct at ourselves is “HOW DOES THIS SERVE ME?” The answer will be enlightening because if we allow it to guide us in our decision making process, we will begin to live in alignment with our values and purpose in life…

Great share Donna!

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Cherry July 12, 2014 at 10:58 am

Working for an obstetrician would be a very iritnesteng job. I currently work doing admissions and dispositions as well in my job and one thing I do, is take down all the information on the babies being born. Its amazing how many babies are born in just one month at the hospital, I do a minimum of 20 babies a month, and sometime the unfortunate part of documentation on babies who do not make it. Its a stressful field as well and you really have to practice empathy for those parents who have to deal with things going wrong.

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Marian February 13, 2010 at 11:45 am

Acceptance to me is extending warmth, understanding,caring towards the other and viceversa. On the flipside just accepting things in order to keep relationships going, on a samefooting basis, you dont want to spend too much of emotional energy on push and pull.

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JY February 15, 2010 at 12:39 pm

This is a wonderful explanation because it touches on the duality associated with a term which is often difficult to define…thank you so much for sharing Marian!!!!

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Genneevieve February 22, 2010 at 5:46 am

you probably have a good idea
but it just kind of bugs me when everyone thinks that childhood is ’simple’ and ‘bliss’ and ‘carefree’ and the worst thing that can happen is breaking crayons.
Childhood is pretty much the same as adulthood.
People still judge you. Loved ones still die. You still feel completely alone sometimes
Looking back, i agree that most of my childhood problems were kind of stupid, and if i was actually a mature person, i really ought to laugh at them, but that would be making light of them and its completely possible for 5 year olds to feel massive amounts of pain.
Now, i don’t really want to comment on your post. Im sure it makes sense to most people, but really, im in a rather bad mood. Don’t take notice of me

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JY February 22, 2010 at 10:57 pm

Genneevieve…

I appreciate your willingness to share your frustrations because I have always believed that the most therapeutic technique for the purposes of healing is to allow ourselves to communicate via the spoken or written word. The emotions that were once festering in your existence have now been emitted into the world and will enable you to ACCEPT whatever it is that has plagued your past…

Let Go Genneevieve..LET GO!!!!

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Sabtain July 6, 2014 at 7:59 pm

(I’m not sure if I’m posting this in the coerrct place as I was unable to post it from the Dashboard.)The type of physician I would like to work with is a gerontologist. A gerontologist specializes in caring for the elderly. I have a fondness for our older population. They built out society and lived in a time that many of us can learn from. I would take great pride in caring for them as they age. In my opinion, working with a doctor that shares my passion and excitement would be the ideal work environment.The type of physician I would not be as excited to work with would be a proctologist. To be completely honest, I just don’t think I have what it takes to be in that environment. It’s important to be professional in any medical environment. I believe my sense of humor would not allow me to be as professional as I would need to be. I would also prefer not to work with ophthalmologist. Several years ago I spent a week with my grandfather at a specialist to have cataracts removed. I found it very difficult to watch the videos of my grandfather’s up coming procedures. It wasn’t difficult caring for my grandfather after surgery, but I must admit the pre-op was an experience that I would not want to assist in on a daily bases.

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Tyreek July 4, 2014 at 9:29 pm

What I hear you say here is you had a particular excneierpe. And because of YOUR excneierpe, you have certain feelings about the idea of fat acceptance. Your excneierpe is valuable and absolutely how it worked for you. That doesn’t mean it’s how it works for other people. Your view of Fat Acceptance is skewed in a way that really bothers me personally. You’re saying you have a lot of concern, based on your excneierpes and how things worked for you. But it is not the same for everyone, at all. And just because someone is fat does not mean they’re making bad life decisions nor that they are not fit.Fat Acceptance also is part of Health at Every Size. It means trying to take care of yourself without focusing on weight loss. To try to be active in ways that work for you and eat in an intuitive way without criminalizing food (because obsessing about forbidden things is a pretty crappy way to live your life). To try to make the best choices you can for you and your health.Also regarding actual health, there is a lot of CORRELATION between disease and obesity there is NOT a lot of CAUSATION. there *are* lots of articles that don’t know the difference. For example a lot of articles correlate obesity and diabetes. Studies have shown that the same genetics that cause diabetes are also related to obesity, NOT that obesity causes diabetes. So fat and diabetes are often present together only b/c of genetic factors. And that’s just the most common. Statistics can be tweaked to represent either side of the story. I keep this in mind whenever I read an article about any kind of health.I am pro exercise and pro eating in a healthful manner (whatever that means for you which, as I always remind people healthy means different things for different people). And you know, I do yoga, go to the gym (for the yoga, strengthtraining and cardio), walk 2-3 miles as part of my commute,regularly walk my dogs ~2miles am all into healthful eating and the vegetables. I also have plantaar fasciitis (which is a bitch) and exercise induced asthma (ditto). I love doing yoga I love how it feels and I love strength training and being strong and swimming I don’t love the recumbent bikes at the gym, but I do love riding my bike (and it rains a lot here and gets dark early so sometimes it’s the recumbent bike). OH MY GOD I am fat and I am OK with that AND I ENJOY exercise! I am into Fat Acceptance and I like and enjoy exercise and movement and in fact encourage others to do the same.I am fat. In fact I’m morbidly obese. My doctor asked me about my family history (genetics) tested my blood pressure my cholesterol etc and decided that since I have GREAT numbers all around and look just like my mom (one of the hardest working most active people i know), her dad and his sisters etc, I am in fact healthy.MY DOCTOR SAID I AM HEALTHY. Not, I think I am. Not, my friends say I am. My DOCTOR says I am. After a butt load of tests.Even if I lost weight (again, cuz I have, and it was a terrible excneierpe in so many ways it would take me pages to detail) I would never be a small woman based on my build/genetics. I will never be a socially acceptable size and shape.I need to accept who I am the way I am and the way I will be. And I need to live my life not put my life on hold because the shape of my body isn’t ok with other people.And regardless, it’s no one’s business but mine and my doctor’s. And no one who looks at me in passing knows any of the stuff I’ve just told you. And they judge me. You know they do. So I am pro Fat Acceptance. I am pro the idea that I am ok as I am. That the fact that I am a full-time student, a part-time office assistant, a wife, a pet owner, a dedicated volunteer, a creative person, a caring person, a great hostess, a pretty decent yogi, an artist..etc etc is pretty fucking awesome, regardless of my size. My life is, just like everyone’s is a work in progress and I can strive to be the best me I can be without caring about the size of my clothes or what other people think.And I don’t want your worry or your concern. I want your respect and your friendship, cuz I think you’re pretty keen. But you can keep your worry and your concern (which is utterly demeaning and condescending assuming that you know anything about any other person and their circumstances and what they want or need or their health just because they’re fat).And I don’t want to be seen as a future anything. I am me. Right now.Living my life.Your story? Is not my life. Nor is it anyone but yours.

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Antony July 12, 2014 at 12:59 am

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Salih July 6, 2014 at 3:10 pm

Since there is so many fields of slpicaeties that I have a choice of, I still really can’t choose one. So I am going base on my personal experiences. My original goal back in high school and maybe even before that, was to work in a Neonatal ICU! I had a brother that passed before he had his first birthday from heart complications, and that year I spent a lot of time at hospitals with my parents. My goal the first couple of years was to work with babies just like him. That was until I had my own children, I would of still loved to have worked in that career field but the heart ache I would most likely endure when one of those babies did not make it home. I could not have handled!On to more positive experiences, I have worked with the elderly and Geriatrics interests me very much. Being surrounded with people that have lived a fulfilled life is so much more rewarding. Even though at times it is the ending stages of their lives, and it is sad when someone does pass. It’s less of a heartache to know that most of the time they are ready to move on. They are still very dependent on you and when you are able to help them with their needs that’s the most rewarding of all, plus you form a special relationship with the patients and their families.

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