I am composing this blog post with the hope that it will be “sent around the world.” My vision for BRANDENTITY is to touch over one million lives, and the only way this will be possible, is if you assist me with this mission. With this being said, it is my duty and obligation to share this message with all of you. I have been coaching a number of B.E. Partnering Clients and found a commonality amongst each individual. I would like to preface my findings by stating that each person had an IDENTITY CRISIS in their own unique way. The surface level of their challenges may have been issues in a relationship, career, their physical image, addictions, etc., but all of them realized that the pain they faced began when they were children. This pain was also a personalized experience which was based on their interpretations of the events that took place in the past. The one area of commonality which I found needs to be brought to your consciousness in order to prevent future pain and suffering. This may seem inconsequential to you, while others might be able to relate, but I believe one of the factors that results in future IDENTITY CRISES is:
Telling your children how to style their hair.
Many of you may think this is somewhat anti-climatic, but I am here to tell you that this is one of the roots to the challenges that many adolescents face. Children have extremely few areas of their lives that they are able to control, but one is their physical appearance, and even more specifically, their hair. This is their opportunity to express themselves. This is their opportunity to live by their own rules. And this is their opportunity to be unique. A child must be provided with the reins to create a BRANDENTITY for themselves because they need to define who they want to be in this world. Maybe this means expressing their dreams for the future, having a first love, acting out in class, having play dates, wearing clothes that do not match, and even choosing their hairstyle. It is critical to understand that freedom of expression allows artists to create masterpieces, musicians to develop lyrics, entrepreneurs to start businesses and children to be children.
What I often find is that parents begin to live their lives vicariously through their children and become embarrassed on their behalf. They begin to associate their image with their child’s physical appearance resulting in a foundation for an IDENTITY CRISIS to be born. Children grow up without their own voice, and as they progress in the world, they do not know any better than to compromise their opinions. There are obviously many additional factors that contribute to living an identity-less life, where you make the CHOICE to forfeit your control, but having your hairstyle controlled as a child could bring intense negative emotions for decades to follow. The severity of this dilemma may seem somewhat trivial, but in all of my B.E. Partnering client relationships, this was an underlying issue in their lives. So much so, that when I asked the question, there was a three-second moment of silence as each individual subconsciously relived their pain.
My intent with this message is NOT to tell you how to rear your child and NOT to provide you with parenting techniques, but rather to empower you to become more conscious in your daily encounters with your children because whether it is a Mohawk, pony tail, bangs, or buzz cut, this is part of their inception to reach BRANDENTITY.
So let your children play in the mud, wear neon green shirts, and have their hair run wild because this is their opportunity to express their authentic self and become their own person.
Are your children able to express themselves through a buzz cut?
What does this mean to you? Please leave a comment.
Some pictures from Flickr.
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Jared,
This was a walk down memory lane for me. Thanks! I remember when my son was 3 (hes now 18 and about to move on to college) wanted to have his hair cut in a style then called a skin fade…I had no hesitation in empowering him to do so. When he then wanted to dye it blonde, I helped him do it. The list goes on. Today he has his own pair of clippers and who knows what he will look like when I return home from work. He’s creative, self expressed and amazing. I’m sharing this because as a young girl, I had no say in how I wanted my hair styled or in the clothing I wanted to wear. I lived small for so long and did not want to pass that on to my own children.
I will admitt however, that I’m not sure I’d feel this way if they wanted facial tattooes or piercings
Debra, thank you so much for sharing this story and even more importantly, allowing your son to express himself. This has benefited him in such a profound way that he may not even realize the far reaching effects until he is a parent and has the opportunity to make this choice as well…
You just created a CYCLE for a better tomorrow….
Anything permanent needs to be discussed!
yep- my mom cut my hair way too short (when I was a kid)- actually she kept trying to correct the mistakes she made while doing it and before you knew it- it was all gone! Long story short- I gradually accepted it- but when I found a way to make it mine by parting it on the side instead of the middle- she didn’t let me do it! I grew to like my hair shorter better- still do believe it or not bit I don’t think I can carry a short style off- but to this day- when I do cut my hair- I hear it from my mother… ugh! So your column hits home.
One of my fav TS stories is about a female speaker who brought her daughter to one of the past TS programs (a 100 years ago). One day the little girl showed up wearing who knows what with her hair all crazy and I asked the mom what was up. She simply stated that that was the way her daughter wanted to look that day. To this day, I smile thining of that style of parenting and smile- what a concept!
Your transparency is admired and appreciated. What I have learned is that parents often base their level of self worth on their children, where they believe that judgements will be passed and opinions will be made. As a result, they do everything in the power to control the situation, resulting in a youth who believes compromise is the the only way. But this is something that could have been rooted from generations before, as a cycle has been passed that needs to be broken. The fact that you recognized the beauty and freedom that the child from TS exemplified, makes me confident that you BROKE this CYCLE and are now living a synergistic lifestyle with the people in your world. Your mother also has the choice to change, but regardless of her decision, you still are the controller of your DESTINY. Keep on being you and never forgetting that you are the artist of your authenticity and identity….
I liked the lightness of the blog it made me smile, but has a serious message, great. If you inject that lightness into your You Tube clips they will be great.
My boys are both creative with their hair, I love it! I also have friends who had terrible experiences being forced to have their hair cut short as children which has indeed stayed with them into adulthood.
Thank you for further emphasizing this point and for recognizing the FREEDOM associated with your children’s hair. I am sure that your boys are adorable in so many ways and will grow up to be confident and profound men who are congruent with their authentic selves….
Thank you again and WELCOME to BRANDENTITY!