Just the other night, I was having a conversation with my grandmother who was experiencing emotional havoc. Her husband was Papa Mark, who many of you have been acquainted with as a result of the trilogy that I composed on his life. She was expressing her feelings of loneliness, fear, and emptiness due to his passing. Through her tears of pain, she continued to say, “Please do not tell your mother that I am upset, I do not want to add stress to her life.” This comment is one that I know many people will relate to because what often happens is that we do not want to burden the people in our world by expressing our emotions for them to see or hear. The result is what I call constipation of emotions, and although this is a vulgar example, it is one that everyone can relate to because of the discomfort associated with this symptom. What I need you to understand is the ramifications are far more severe when we are constipated with emotions as opposed to unable to use the bathroom because we begin to deteriorate as a human being.
What I found is that there can be fear associated with revealing our emotions for the world to see because we associate this expression with a sign of vulnerability or an inability to be independent. But these emotions are not only expressed through tears of sorrow, but also words of frustration, acts of love, or desires to be heard. This could take place in your relationships, career, with your children, and more often than not, with yourself. Your emotions need an avenue to escape your heart, mind, and soul, in order to be emitted into the world, leaving you with a sense of freedom. A perfect example of this scenario could take place with your loved one, and your frustration about an area of the relationship that is currently underdeveloped. As a result of not being transparent, the relationship suffers, the emotions expand, until you reach the point of no return and literally explode on your partner in a fury of rage. On the other hand, this could also surface when it comes to expressing your love for this individual, restraining yourself from communicating this message. The outcome is an undernourished relationship, emotions inflating, until you reach the point of no return because your loved one senses the void and ends something that could have been incredible. In your career, you may have certain emotions that need to be expressed to a colleague about the way they are speaking to you, but since you are constipated with these thoughts, your emotions build, eventually leading to a burst of fury, which could have easily been avoided if the matter was discussed once the emotions were born.
There is actually a strategy that I am going to share with all of you today because I have seen this work in my life and the lives of my B.E. Partnering Clients. It is an approach that I shared with my grandmother because her explosion of emotion has passed, but my goal was to help her avoid this from reoccurring in the future. This goes for all of you as well since you may have had many explosions of emotion over the course of your lives, but now that you are members of BRANDENTITY, I encourage you to understand that these acts of rage are not congruent with who you truly are as an individual. This is why we need to take ownership of these 5 steps in order to prevent ourselves from getting constipated in the future. Therefore, the solution is a simple one to remember since it is the same approach we would take if we were unable to use the bathroom, by finding a cure, or in other words, a PRUNE:
Pause for a moment to understand the emotion
Realize the cause of this emotion.
Understand why there is pain associated with this emotion.
Neutralize the emotion by means of acceptance
Eliminate this emotion through tears, love, frustration, or any other feelings before the explosion takes place
I would like everyone to walk away after reading or listening to this message and realize that emotions will surface, as there is absolutely no way to prevent this from occurring, but what we can do is address the feelings when they begin to cultivate. We need to take action and realize the ramifications associated with being constipated with emotions can be cured by consuming at least one PRUNE a day!
Are You Emotionally Constipated?
What does this mean to you? Please leave a comment.
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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
We are so much “on the same page.” The words I speak, however, are written in prose !
SPEAK of love
to those who await your tenderness and your touch
SPEAK of faith and hope and joy
to those who await your encouragement
SPEAK of legacy and fulfillment
to those who await your wisdom and your virtue
SPEAK of kindness and understanding
to those who await your compassion
SPEAK of acceptance of your own precious spirit
for yours is a sacred presence in the world
Joyce Marie Sheldon – “Joy”
09/28/06
3:36 a.m.
So simple, yet so true…we just need to SPEAK. We need to learn to say what we need to say so that our EMOTIONS can be shared with the world. EMOTIONS equal LIFE and a life without emotions is a life that is not worth living. Like you said Joyce..SPEAK, SPEAK, and SPEAK some more!!!!
Expressing emotion in a healthy form is hard for so many individuals. The tricky part is being able to identify the emotion; accept it; own it and express it -first to oneself and then to others. The experience you describe with your grandmother is so typical of the generation and it is resurfacing again. The fear of expressing emotions with others or in front of others is the fear of vulnerability. I have found that the more I am open and vulnerable emotionally in public or “giving speeches” the more the listener can “hear” and connect and it helps them move to a place of “personal emotional freedom”. One can help “pass it on”
Kathleen your realization is so true because the more authentic you are with your emotions the more your audience will have trust in you and reveal their emotions. Authenticity and transparency lead to results especially when provided with the opportunity to share a message.
I honor your ability to have faith in yourself while allowing your emotions to be revealed to the world!
Thank you for all that you do!
New spaces expanding internally solid stronger deeper connections to mind, soul and spirit- Know Thyself! Accept oneself and it offers space and time and trust to accept others. Let go to let God but letting go let’s others let God! The solid internal foundation gives courage to break barriers- emotional, spiritual and intellectual. There is no such thing as failure only the perception that one has not reached his/her greatest height. Keep trusting, risking, reaching and discover no limits- this is knowing oneself and in this is your identity.
AMAZINGGGG!!!! There is one line that must emphasize:
“There is no such thing as failure only the perception that one has not reached his/her greatest height.”
Life is based on a multitude of perceptions, which leads me to believe, that we can control how we view our external environment based upon our ability to maintain our internal alignment….
Wonderful observations and excellent share Kathleen!!!
Time of transition and Exploration- aging brings wisdom, knowledge and courage! The older one is the more one realizes, there is real freedom in knowing and trusting who you are and how you interact with others and in the world. Trust yourself! Mistakes are only opportunities to learn and know yourself even better!
There is one point that I must address because AGE and INSIGHT do not necessarily correlate and instead SOUL and INSIGHT are in complete alignment with knowledge. With this being said, I completely agree with mistakes being opportunities to learn, grow, and better oneself…thank you for sharing such a wonderful message!
Love the PRUNE strategy! Emotional health is just as important as physical and nutritional health and yet so many people try to deny their emotions or bury them or bottle them up. Thanks Jared for the useful analogy!
Your comment is so important:
“Emotional health is just as important as physical and nutritional health and yet so many people try to deny their emotions or bury them or bottle them up”
Emotions equal LIFE!!!!!!!
Thank you for sharing Colleen…