One of the many purposes of developing a BRANDENTITY for yourself is to look in the mirror and see the real you, to be proud of the image which looks back, and to feel like you are consistently remaining congruent with who you truly are as an individual. It is about taking a step in the direction of where you want to go, while accepting your past memories as stepping stones, but ultimately leaving them behind. One of the potential barriers to establishing your BRANDENTITY is associating yourself with “titles” from years ago and today. However, what I have found is that some people will hold onto their past or present circumstances, such as an addiction, failed marriage, financial loss, disease, career difficulty, and label themselves with these challenges.
But what if someone were to ask you to describe yourself without these labels—what would you say?
This is usually a difficult question to answer because we often associate ourselves with the titles we have in our world; parent, attorney, anorexic/bulimic, husband, wife, alcoholic, etc., and as a result, when we begin to think about who we are independent of these labels, we often feel lost because all we see is a blank canvas. We do not remember who we were prior to the disease, becoming a parent, getting married, or being consumed by a self-destructive addiction, and as a result, we are unable to picture what our life would be like without this “title” because we believe this is the root of our recognition.
I understand that we often have pride, or even hidden shame, in our titles because it provides us with a sense of accomplishment or an avenue for attention seeking. But this is simply the surface level of “who you are” and “what you stand for” because your identity is something far deeper. It is about looking in the mirror and realizing what brings an immeasurable amount of passion into your life, what enables you to lose track of time and place, and what results in moments of unconditional happiness. This could have something to do with being a leader, a healer, a contributor, an inspirer, an educator, or simply a supporter. This is your identity and it has nothing to do with your title as a parent, a lawyer, or a recovering addict. Your identity is not having cancer, being an alcoholic, or suffering from depression. Your identity is your ability to love yourself, and goes far deeper than the surface level. I am not going to tell you how to define your own personal identity, as this is a choice only you can make, but I encourage you to realize that hiding behind your “title” will not provide you with the sense of joy that is a requirement for living a life worth living.
There are many approaches and strategies to realizing you are more than a “title,” but the foundation of this process deals with determining who you are without your various labels. This will become an identity journey, one of the most difficult experiences that will transpire in your world, yet reward you in more ways than you could ever imagine. 
The most tedious aspect of the development of your own existence is becoming conscious to the fact that you may have been hiding behind a title for your entire life. Initially, this may have been assigned to you by your teachers, preachers, parents, or societal pressures. As time continues, you may have associated yourself with being an athlete, the most popular child in school, or on the debate team. This was followed by the title of graduating college, choosing a career, marriage, parenthood, and anything else that transpires in your world. As you can see, there is a chance that your identity is based on the events in your life, as opposed to your inner being which is something that only you have the ability to define. It is important to realize that these various stages of growth comprise dimensions of your lifeline, but they should not determine what makes you…YOU!
This process is going to take you on identity journey that will result in confronting untapped emotions associated with labels from your past and present. It will force you to expand the perimeter of your comfort zone in order to define your BRANDENTITY, but as you progress, you will begin to realize what brings a smile to your face, joy to your world, and most importantly, freedom from your titles!
Do you YEARN to be Free From Your Titles?
What does this mean to you? Please leave a comment.
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{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
A little note to self..
” Remember to neutrally appreciate how people
define themselves and prefer to be seen.”
Even in complaint,
Even in negativity
an individual implicity
expresses
what is important
and what is valued.
The invitation
in life coaching
Is for the individual
To entitle to themselves
Their own defined view
of self or circumstances.
And moving forward …
enabling this person to
extend and critique
affirming alternatives.
Then …. Notice The Difference !
Jared, another thoughtful article.
Thank you.
Simply amazing…I love our congruency!!!!
This is an outstanding article that needs to be shared with everyone. Chasing titles for whatever reason, is a slow death to loosing the essence of life and who you really are. We are not born with a title, we work to get it. We were not created to be or have a title. Our life purpose or mission is not about the title we have been given or given ourselves. A title will never define who we are. When you understand that titles are nothing but another uniform you wear in the employment market. A title is never who you as is so eloquently stated in this article.
Your words mean the world to me and I feel so fortunate that you shared your philosophies as well…
I love this comment:
We are not born with a title, we work to get it…
This is such an important distinction because I believe that if people took the time to think about who they were PRIOR to their titles, in essence a child, they would realize that their identity is based on their internal being, not their label.
Thank you again for all that you do!
I work in healthcare: one day I stopped dead in my tracks, because I was researching the organizations registration process. One of the questions we ask is status of partnership. single or never married: I would have to answer the question. I am single never married, my title is Single, never married. My title no matter what, I am single never married. No matter what else in life. I could be predisent of the hospital. I still am single never married. This is how I am defined.
You are only defined in that manner if you allow the registration process to label you in a way that is extremely superficial and surface level. Your are far more than single and never married and instead maybe you are searching for TRUE LOVE as opposed to just having someone in your life. I admire you for BEING YOU because obviously you have not settled while learning that it is better to be alone than with the wrong person…RE-DEFINE who you are outside the scope of that title…..
In my role as a vision quest guide, I offer the opportunity for people to step into the wilderness, a metaphore for a place of “no-thing-ness,” where they leave behind most of what they consider to be their identity, taking along only what they can carry in a backpack-or in their psyches. Often, they will find a “new” identity that I believe is in fact a truer picture of the person they were born to be – their personal brand, as I think you might describe it Jared. Sometimes, they come back with a new name as well; a name that better describes their essential nature. I wonder about the kinds of conversations that might be started in social gatherings if, instead of identifying ourselves as “Tom, a banker” or “Sue, a housewife,” we said something like “Tom, shapeshifting storyteller,” or “Sue, Earthmother.” Beautiful blog post, Jared. I think you and I are on a similar mi
Tom…I so appreciate your willingness to share as the workshop you host is fascinating in so many ways. You are teaching people to shed the layers in their existence so that they can discover their CORE, which happens to be where their TRUE IDENTITY lies.
Our titles need to be something that we choose for ourselves as opposed to what society claims it to be. The occupation we choose cannot and should not define who we are because we are FAR MORE than our career, relationship, or physical image. We all possess a unique level of substance and it is our duty to access everything that makes us who we are….
Great work Tom!!!!!
FIRST OF ALL JARED CONGRATULATIONS on a wonderfully informative and insightful article and an even bigger congratulations on your innovative website. It is exciting and the start of some very exciting things.
All the best Jared …you deserve to do well! I loved your article.
Considering the topic, I enjoyed a quiet giggle at the amount of letters I currently show after my name … these are mainly to identify the fact I have coaching qualifications that have become part of my own personal development and “journey” – which I’ve loved. Thankfully because of my journey, I now know who I am inside as well as out … and, like you, love assisting others to find their authentic self too ….from the inside out. WE ALL deserve this.
Jan…your words truly mean the world to me as you recognize my efforts and desire to INSPIRE change!
You are truly a wonderful person and should be proud of your “LETTERS” especially because they do not define you, but rather have enabled you to KNOW YOURSELF INSIDE AND OUT. Keep on doing your thing because I have a strong feeling that something profound is on the horizon…
BELIEVE!!!!
Thanks for another insightful post Jared. Interestingly I am in another forum for international coaches that has been having an ongoing discussion about credentials, which could be considered the most common, external way we define “titles” in our society. As Jan said, this is a focus on all the initials that follow our name.
For most, those initials indicate a journey that is personal as well as professional as Jan suggested. In business, psychology, medicine, law, etc., academic degrees provide an external “value” or WORTH for those who have worked to achieve them. We obviously must have professional standards, ethics and practices that are measurable and can be used by patients, clients, or consumers as a tool for decision-making. HOWEVER, those credentials are NO GUARANTEE that someone is a “good” doctor, lawyer, therapist, coach, etc. That is determined by the personal, internal YOU.
Even with the exact same credentials, two individuals can be totally different in terms of their ability to be effective with clients or patients. Credentials (titles) do NOT define us even professionally – as Jared and others have said, they are merely external identifiers and have nothing to do with who we truly are on the inside. Each of us has our special gifts, talents, and ways of BEING that differentiate us from others, and those are things that can not be fully learned – they either are or are not.
It is unfortunate that our society and culture has put such heavy emphasis on external identities and we believe we are “nothing” without college degrees, titles, and external identifiers. Today millions are suffering because they have “lost” those titles and ways to identify themselves. They have lost themselves and any meaning they had in life because of job or financial loss – for men especially it is a difficult thing to handle.
So Jared’s point is vital today – our most important journey in life is inward – discovering and revealing who we truly are is what will give us meaning, fulfillment and peace. Divesting ourselves from the idea that our external titles and identifiers are the sum total of who we are is key.
Thanks again Jared for the discussions you post, helping us clarify these core ideas and principles that play such an important role in our lives.
Nancy..thank you for sharing your insight and for expanding on a concept that happens to be plaguing our existence more NOW than ever before. You have inspired me to write another article about this concept because the letters before (or after) our name are for the purposes of objective measurements, but the results that will potentially manifest are based on the INTERNAL YOU. This is such a profound concept and I so appreciate YOU for bringing it to my conscious state!
An interesting discussion. There seems to be an interplay between the words ‘titles’ and ‘labels’ as opposed to who you really are. Is that the same as having an external persona, your own interpretation of who you are and then the authentic self, or your core self? Labels can be and often are limiting and linked with dis-ease of the body. How we view ourselves involves labeling ourselves. Do we define ourselves according to our titles more so than our labels or is it one and the same thing except pertaining to a different area of life eg vocationally a person may be defined as a teacher but socially he/she may be labelled as extrovert while according to family he/she may be labelled as a control freak. Perhaps our values determine our title(s) but our behavior may be influenced by our perceived labels in relation to our belief system. Who we are is a dynamic concept that is constantly reframed as we evolve and I guess that really has little to do with ‘title’ though ‘labels’, projected or otherwise and negative or otherwise, may influence our evolution. Yes/Maybe?
Thank you
Lilly
You posed many interesting questions about the distinction between labels and titles and how these “definitions of self” influence the way we perceive ourselves. There is one point that I must emphasize because I believe it will benefit all of BRANDENTITY to understand this philosophy….
“Who we are is a dynamic concept that is constantly reframed as we evolve and I guess that really has little to do with ‘title’ though ‘labels’, projected or otherwise and negative or otherwise, may influence our evolution.”
This is a profound concept because evolution is out of our control, but what we can do is focus our attention on remaining congruent with who we are and who we want to be. These are our titles, labels, and the perceptions of self…
Thank you so much for this wonderful contribution Lily!!!
Walking in the presence of gtains here. Cool thinking all around!
What makes me ME? My limitless compassion, a heart that wants to love everyone, my laugh that cannot be contained as i allow the tears of laughter to drip down off of my chin. I am a lover, a hugger and a hugee. When I take off my skin that is what is added to make me the person that I was created to be. The other things – the mom, daughter, survivor – are removed when the skin is stripped away. And then I am ME, and I am free!
Sandy…I am at a loss for words…this is EXACTLY what I was looking to achieve with this article…
You are, and always will be, an INSPIRATION!!!!!
the greatest title we carry is “I”. Not the egotistical I but “I am” or “OHM” “AUM” the ancient mantra and spiritual sound to the soul. The individual soul that connects with the universal soul. The “I” that is an integral part of the spiritual universe and the center of being or all beings. The “I” “eye” “One” “soul” can do and see many things- the connections are limitless. The acceptance of this identity as the personal one and its connection to the universal ONE is humbling and liberating. I am free to express this joyous “oneness” and connection with all- the I, by choice, can become and rushes to become “We”- our personal definition of “We”. We in context of couple, family, community, society, but by our choice, our terms and our definition of “I”- one’s true identity.
As always…you nailed it!!! Thank you so much for sharing this profound concept…
I want to share a great book I read this week on this topic. Gail Sheehy’s “Passages” – wonderful insights.
This is an amazing book and I so appreciate your willingness to share!
We wear titles and labels like jewelry. We can look at them in the box, choose one, put it on for awhile, take it off, put it away, try on another one and keep going til we feel satisfied that we dont need to look in the box any longer or try one on or wear it. We can face the world, us and others, alone in sheer bliss and joy and let the shining inner brilliance from our own identity our inner jewelry shower blinding light on our surroundings!