The Compounding of Love During Times of Change

I would like to begin by expressing my sincere apologies for my absence during the last three weeks. I know many of you rely on BRANDENTITY as your beacon of hope in an extremely convoluted world, while others simply read for enjoyment with the desire to think differently than ever before. Regardless of how you use this platform for personal growth, I want you to know that I feel grateful in ways that words could never describe simply knowing that each of you represents an integral part of my life. Over the past two weeks, I have received countless emails from members of the Identity Revolution making sure that I was healthy, secure, and continuing my vision. This experience has allowed me to grasp the importance of what we are looking to accomplish in this world together and now I am back and better than ever.

The reason for my absence was because I moved into a new home with the love of my life, left one career in order to start a new chapter in my existence, as well as a number of other exciting changes that are propelling me to my next level. I decided that it was in my best interest, and in yours as well, to give BRANDENTITY a two week hiatus, as opposed to writing for the sake of writing. I honor all of your time and made the executive decision to wait until I was able to focus on the words that would leave my mind and enter yours. I will never take our relationship for granted and I feel the decision that I made was appropriate based on my situation. In addition, I am going to begin publishing one message each week because a number of BRANDENTITY members have informed me that they love the premise behind each article, but that they are beginning to feel overwhelmed with the implementation of these life lessons. They told me that if they had a few more days in between articles, these tenets would become part of their being and how they lived their lives going forward. Thus, I will alter the schedule based on this feedback, but will continue writing in hopes of helping you begin to live a more congruent lifestyle.

Now that I am settled in a new home, and beginning a life with a person whom I love, I want to share my experience of CHANGE because it is one that I hope each of you can relate to in your own unique way. CHANGE is something deep rooted in all us, yet often leads to the demise of many relationships rather than used as a catalyst to allow them to grow. How we encounter change is based on a number of factors which have been engrained in us during our formative years. These patterns are often difficult, but not impossible, to break so that each experience going forward will afford us an opportunity for growth, revelations, enjoyment, and unconditional love, as a result of how you react to the changes that are placed in your path.

Therefore, regardless of where you are in your life, (in a stagnant relationship or marriage, happily in love, dead end career, insecure about your physical appearance, single and seeking, dating and miserable, or anything in between), I hope that you allow yourself to read and re-read this message so that you have the ability to relate this premise to where you presently are and to where you want to go.

Many of the people in my world have been questioning my actions because the decisions I have been making could be viewed as overwhelming. People tend to “chunk” down their life for the purpose of simplicity, whereas I tend to focus my attention on doing everything at once. As a result, my girlfriend, Lindsay, and I made the decision to begin a life together, even though society would deem this as irrational based on the six weeks we have been together. This decision might seem “foolish” to most, but I am here to tell you that when you KNOW something is right…YOU KNOW. Both Lindsay and I have crystal clarity when it comes to our values in life, and as a result, we immediately knew that our relationship was one that would extend from now, through eternity. We possess young love, but rather than having this exciting emotion dwindle over time, we are committed to focusing on having our internal flame grow in a way that most would deem impossible. I know many of you may have had this at points of your life, while others are still searching for it, but I need you to know that you DESERVE to experience what true love is all about.

This is the type of love that enables you to go to sleep at night with a sense of security that your world is made up of you and your partner. This is the type of love that allows you to get excited, while your heart beats out of control, simply because you are about to see your mate. And this is the type of love that is congruent, in which each individual is bringing something to the relationship that results in a synergistic reaction, where both people grow in way they would have never been able to do on their own. Therefore, if you consider our decision of living together to be irrational, immature, or irresponsible, I encourage you to look in the mirror and ask yourself if this critique is based on what you believe or on what society has influenced you to think?

The reason I have taken the time to share the background of my relationship is because it completely ties into the concept of CHANGE. New relationships, having a puppy, career transitions, moving, purchasing expensive items, etc. could, (and more often than not), evokes stress, which leads to the potential for arguments, hurt feelings, quarrels, and an experience that could have been magical, “going south”. My intention is not to put Lindsay and I on a pedestal, but instead, to share what we learned over the past few weeks and then to encourage you to take our model and make it your own. We do not have all the answers, nor do we believe that what we have done will work for everyone, but what we do know is that far too many people allow their circumstances to dictate their personal level of happiness which leads to unfulfilled emotions and feelings of resentment. There is a cliché that I am sure many of you have heard in the past, but I want to emphasize the point that we can not control our external environment, but we are in direct control of how we allow our external environment to control us.

Challenges in life are inevitable, especially during times of change, but what you must realize is that regardless of whether you have a companion on this journey, or you are traveling alone, the end result will ALWAYS be the same. Your experiences are directly correlated to your choices regarding how you think about change. But there is caveat to this concept, because if you have a partner on this adventure, whether that be a friend, lover, family member, or anyone else, the end result will not always be the same, especially if you allow the stress of the unknown to stand between you and this person in your life.  Lindsay and I were moving items from four different places, finding new furniture, caring for a puppy, starting a new career, spending time with our families, and weathering one of the most horrific storms that the tri-state area has seen in years, but we focused on not allowing the “stress” from these events to stand between our love for one another. And in actuality, these experiences have made us closer than ever before. We allowed our excitement of the unknown to guide us to where we wanted to go, while immersing ourselves in the moment so this experience can be cherished forever.

With this all of this being said, there were moments where anxiety crept into the picture and it forced both of us to truly assess how we communicated and reacted to one another. Our relationship is new, and as a result, the changes that we were experiencing were exacerbated because we are also in the early stages of companionship. We needed to focus all of our energy on working together, as a team, for the purpose of achieving our desired result. Although we are only in the first few months of a lifetime together, this theory is one that holds true regardless of the amount of time that a relationship has been in existence. Times of change will always lead to anxious emotions, and if these experiences are merged with the feelings of another individual, then there is a chance that intense conversations will manifest. But what we realized is that there are a few simple principles that we believe will greatly benefit all of you when faced with your time of change.

1. Know Your Roles

This happens to be the reason why many relationships suffer during times of change because the roles of each individual are not clearly defined resulting in feelings of resentment, frustration, and even belittlement. I do not think that both individuals should have a conversation about what their roles are during periods of transition, but rather, should remain conscious in the moment to provide room for their partner to do what is necessary without feeling pressure. Lindsay and I decided to focus on this concept so that neither of us felt out of control; and instead, we worked together in order to create an environment within our home that was filled with love, gratitude, and an overwhelming desire to serve. The reason this was accomplished is because we clearly understood our roles and did not invade the personal space of the other individual.

2. SPEAK!

I know that I have already addressed the concept of communication within relationships, and how this is an area which often creates undue stress, but there is no more important time to “speak up,” than during a period of transition. These situations usually result in the constipation of emotions, and eventually, an explosion on whomever is participating in this experience for no reason other than your frustration and fear of the unknown. The key to avoiding this potential chaotic situation is to “SPEAK” when you need to and share how you feel throughout the process, while remaining in control of the words which leave your mouth.

3. Go With the Flow

I am obviously contradicting myself with this principle because I am adamantly against the premise of compromise as I believe this decision results in a loss of identity. But with this being said, periods of transition require both parties conceiting when particular decisions are not of utmost importance. In other words, DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF! This might have to do with hanging a particular piece of artwork on a wall, purchasing a new comforter for the bed, decorating a bathroom, etc. If the decision is not something that you “truly” value, then I encourage you to avoid expressing your opinion and to learn how to “go with the flow.”

4. There Is No “I” in Team

There is nothing more profound in a relationship then when both people come together and work for a common cause. Whether that is a move, career transition, raising children, organizing a celebration, or simply sharing a romantic evening, couples who recognize they are on the same team, with the same mission, and the same goals, are the ones who will see their relationships THRIVE, while others begin a slow and steady demise.

5. LAUGH…often!

I want to emphasize that CHANGE will result in CHALLENGES because your beliefs will be tested, your ability to handle the unknown will be confronted, and there will always be unexpected occurrences which are attempting to take you off course. With this being said, you have the option to LAUGH or to CRY, but regardless of your choice, the outcome will always be the outcome. Therefore, LAUGH often with your partner, reminisce on these events for years to come, and never forget how periods of change brought you closer than ever before.

6. LOVE A LOT!

The final principle is one that is obvious, yet often misunderstood, and not focused upon. We tend to lose sight of our values during times of change because we allow our circumstances to control our beings and our focus becomes the end result as opposed to the process. When this takes place, LOVE is often the first emotion which is lost and not provided with the necessary amount of attention so that this feeling will grow exponentially. Therefore, do what has never been done before, and when experiencing change, or a stressful situation, force yourself to shift your perspective to the person or people that you LOVE, including yourself, and express these emotions in whatever way you know how. Life is far too short to allow a moment to pass without giving and receiving love, so LOVE with everything you have inside and I guarantee that your time of change will be one that is remembered through eternity.

We do not believe that these six principles are the “answers or solutions” for everyone, but our intention is to have you think differently about CHANGE and how these experiences lead to a deeper sense of love and gratitude than you may have experienced in the past. Cherish these moments, work cohesively, and remember the result will always be the result, but the process is in your control.

I also want to take a moment to thank Lindsay for all that she is, for all that she will be, and for who she is in my life. I am in “constant change mode,” because I have always believed that this has resulted in a profound amount of growth in my life. I love the unknown and yearn for these experiences regularly. With this being said, I have never had to “juggle,” so many changes at the same time which has allowed me to feel overwhelmed with gratitude for having someone to share this process that is completely congruent with my mission in life. We challenge one another in order to remain in alignment with our purpose as we grow in a way that could have never been achieved individually. My hope is that all of you have, or will find, this type of bond in your life because there is NOTHING more important than the emotion of love when it is directed at yourself and someone else who is deserving of these feelings.

Thank you for all that you do and get ready for the IDENTITY REVOLUTION to reach an entirely new level!

Does your LOVE grow during times of change?

What does this mean to you? Please leave a comment.

Some pictures from Flickr.