August

12

2010

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The Most Expensive Emotion

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As I am sitting on a plane, heading from Arizona back home to New Jersey, only to pack for a romantic Costa Rican getaway with Lindsay tomorrow morning, I find myself reflecting on the past few months and all of the experiences which have taken place. I am the type of person who enjoys the process of introspection, even when it is painful, because it enables me to discover why I do, what I do in any given circumstance. There have been a number of situations that have resulted in challenging times and periods of excessive change, but for some reason, these past ninety days drastically took me away from my mission and what makes me …ME. And as I processed everything that has gone on in my life, I began to realize the reason my “funk” was extended for longer than I would have liked was because of the guilt that I placed upon myself for not living with passion, for not serving my purpose, and for living a life of contradictions. The guilt, that plagued my existence, is what consistently held me back from addressing these demons and moving forward to live in alignment and re-discover my authentic self.

guilt2I have a feeling that many of you may know exactly what I am discussing with this concept of guilt because it happens to be an emotion that almost everyone experiences at some point in their life. Maybe for you it deals with your inability to control yourself when it comes to the foods that you put in your body; or maybe you treated someone in your life unfairly and you are having a difficult time accepting your own actions, or maybe you made a decision to pursue a career that took you away from your family, and as a result, your children grew up and have an unsatisfying relationship with you. Regardless of where your guilt is rooted, there is a chance that if you allow your conscious mind to tap into this vortex of pain that you will begin to realize that your past decisions are echoing in your existence. You may go to bed at night with an unsettled feeling in your stomach, awake in the morning and dread the day, and purposefully avoid mirrors due to the fear associated with looking at yourself. You might even continue to  deny of these circumstances and  do whatever results in these feelings of pain whether it is eat more, fight more, or work more, simply because this “addiction” represents a fallacy of an escape in your world.

For me, it was pure and utter avoidance. I have a file on my computer of ideas, projects, and philosophies that I have developed over the years. This file was intentionally unopened over this period of time because of the guilt that I experienced on a daily basis just knowing that my life was one of contradictions. The emotions that I experienced felt like I was being sucked into an abyss where I would be lost forever, as I wallowed in everything that I was “not doing or doing wrong,” as opposed to the incredible successes and opportunities which materialized over this period of time.

GuiltWhen I first launched BRANDENTITY numberswiki.com

and the IDENTITY REVOLUTION I wrote about the concept of an “Emotional Savings Account” and how during our life, we experience different events which will either add or subtract from the balance in this account. Our perception of these situations will either move us in the direction of emotional freedom or deteriorate at our existence with emotional distress. The concept of GUILT happens to be the most expensive emotion that any of us will experience during our lives. Guilt is often deep rooted, and when exacerbated, this emotion can redefine our identity and become it.  I also realized through my personal experience over these ninety days that it is impossible to sustain a good quality of life in which you love living, if you allow guilt to occupy space in your being. There might be a reprieve every so often as a result of something positive, but ultimately, you are still stuck in your own mind which is where the guilt resides.

As your “fearless leader,” and I am saying this with complete sarcasm, I wish that I had a solution for those who resonate with these words because I have a feeling that the majority of you will. But unfortunately, I am not sure of exactly what YOU need to do in order to free yourself from the entrapment of your thoughts. I am hoping that a discussion will manifest where different philosophies and concepts are shared because you never know how far your words will carry and whose life will be changed forever because of a simple comment that is posted below. But what I can tell you is that my reprieve, which has got me back on track, was being completely honest with myself, while allowing the closest people in my life to see my vulnerabilities. This held me accountable once the process of change began.

guilt3As I previously mentioned, my parents emphasized their concern for weeks prior to my revelation, but having Lindsay ask me a question, (one that I asked myself on countless occasions prior to that night), “Where is the Jared I fell in love with,” was my catalyst for the process of rediscovery. Notice I said process because we never truly achieve our identity, but rather redefine it. That is why the journey is so exciting because each moment, each event, and each experience will mold you into becoming who you truly desire to be based on your interpretation of what this situation means in your life.

So my advice, is be transparent and willing to face the guilt that is preventing you from living because the longer that you allow the MOST EXPENSIVE EMOTION to occupy rent free space in your mind, the longer you will be a victim to your thoughts. Therefore, believe in the process and trust me when I tell you that I have done this over the past few weeks and I can honestly say that I have never felt better….

Where does your GUILT reside?


What do you think…? Please leave a comment.

Thank you flickr for your pictures.

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Siobhan Shaw August 13, 2010 at 11:18 am

Good to see you back and that YOU have reached another level of awareness as you came upon another junction in your life. We’re happy the Jared we fell in love with is back too – The Broke Wives Club needs him.

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