I recently had a conversation with a close friend about his frustration with the lifestyle choices that his parents were making. They eat incredibly unhealthy foods, do not even consider exercising, and continually focus on the challenges in their lives. In essence, they were making decisions that were leading to a poor quality of life and a compromised existence. The irony of this conversation is that it happens regularly. Many people in my world approach me and express their resentment towards their spouse, child, friend, colleague, etc., because of their inability to positively influence the way they are living their lives. As the bitterness builds, the relationship begins to unravel and potentially disintegrate. But the question that I must ask all of you is the following:

What is the root of your frustration?

I believe the reason that far too many people are resistant to change is because the messenger is living a life of contradictions. As a result, the intention behind the message is for naught, as the receiver does not view the speaker as a model of what they are preaching. In addition, the messenger does not posses the necessary conviction in order to inspire change because they do not even believe themselves. With this being said, the root of the frustration is that our critiques are not directed at a third party, but rather are the words which echo in our minds. What we yearn to change about someone else, is often our most severe insecurity for ourselves.

There is a quote that one of my mentors once told me which states, “…contradictions lead to destruction and the size of the destruction is based on the magnitude of the contradiction…” Therefore, if your primary goal is to have your children change the way they eat so that healthier foods comprise a larger percentage of their diets, then be the example of what you are looking for them to achieve and put down the donuts and cookies. If your primary goal is to have your best friend change their lifestyle by quitting smoking, then be the example and put down your social cigarette and take ownership of this suggestion. And if you primary goal is to change your relationship by being more intimate, then be the example and plan a romantic evening with your spouse or loved one in order to rekindle the spark that initiated your relationship. The point that I am stressing is that in order for change to occur, you must do what Gandhi has told all of us and “be the change that you want to see in this world.”

I define a Contradiction in the following manner:

An action taken (or not taken) resulting in an undesired response within oneself.

A solution to eliminating the contradictions from your life is to be honest with yourself. You need to take an important journey, one within your own personal existence, where you uncover areas of incongruence and begin understanding why they are present. Start asking yourself questions about what your life would look and feel like once you become the model, not the critic. How will your changes influence the people in your world? It is important to realize that this process has a foundation of personal responsibility where you begin understanding what makes you who you are as opposed to who you are not.

This journey is not for the faint of heart, and will potentially lead to frustrations and feelings of defeat, but what I encourage you to realize is that living a life of contradictions is unacceptable. If you are looking to have an impact on as many lives as possible, especially your own, then your inconsistencies need to be eliminated while you become congruent with your requests. This concept of abolishing contradictions sounds simple in theory, but in actuality, is something that few people achieve in their world. What is critical to realize is that once you are conscious to change, you can react ONE SECOND faster to prevent the action that you are looking to avoid from surfacing.

It is time that we prevent ourselves from falling into the trap of “do what I say, not what I do,” because the people in your world are looking for a “tour guide” who can lead them to a place where you have already gone as a result of eliminating your contradictions.

What contradictions exist in your world?

What does this mean to you? Please leave a comment.

Some pictures from Flickr.

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I originally thought that there was only one lesson to share from my experience with Mr. Internet Hacker, but what I realized as a result of all of you, is that there are a variety of valuable concepts we can take away and implement in our lives. During the video for Part 1 of the hacking fiasco, I mentioned that I received hundreds of emails from people who wanted to make sure I was okay; however, they realized that this was a scam because it “did not sound like me.” One of your fellow BRANDENTITY members, Michele Rosenthal, who is an inspiration for people who struggle with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and has created an incredible blog with an unquantifiable number of resources (www.healmyptsd.com), wrote a wonderful comment that I would like to share with all of you:

My intent with this message is not to focus on myself and how I created an IDENTITY for the “who I am.” But at the same time, this is my intention because the concept of establishing a BRANDENTITY enables you to be the ONLY you. There is no one in the entire world who can steal your identity once you create it, own it, and become it. There is no “fluff” with the concept of creating your BRANDENTITY, and thus, I did not choose this term because I thought it sounded appropriate for the purposes of marketing. I truly believe that once you begin this process, and start redefining who you want to be in this world, you will discover an internal power that will prevent anyone from stealing what makes you…YOU.

I have dedicated my life to learning and embracing the “who I am,” which is why no hacker, no relationship, no career, no event, etc. could ever take this from me. When Michele and the hundreds of other people informed me that the hacked email was “not my style of communicating and did not sound like me,” I felt proud; I felt honored; and I felt congruent. Once you ascertain the “REAL YOU,” and stand strong on your values, it will be difficult for you to be compromised. Therefore, I want to reiterate the definition of BRANDENTITY and also what potentially will happen if you do not take the time, energy, and effort to embrace this discovery.

• BRAND- This is your external YOU. This is the WHO YOU ARE and the person that everyone is able to see, as represented through your exterior image. Your brand needs to be in complete alignment with the other half of the equation, which is your identity. If incongruencies exist between both parts, the result could be an unfulfilling life where someone or something may impede your growth and your ability to define who you are.

• IDENTITY-  This is your internal YOU. This is WHAT YOU STAND FOR, and the person that only you are able to see, as it represents the core of your existence. Your identity needs to be in perfect alignment with your BRAND, otherwise there is a contradiction which will always lead to destruction, and the severity of the destruction will be based on the magnitude of the contradiction.

I want you to take a moment to envision the HOOVER DAM, located in Nevada and Arizona. The concept of a dam epitomizes what could potentially happen if there are contradictions between your BRAND and IDENTITY. If the HOOVER DAM had even the smallest crack, which permitted water to leak through, the pressure that would be exerted on the dam would force the crack to expand, and eventually the entire dam would be compromised and come crashing down. The same goes for you and the contradictions in your world. Even if the contradiction is miniscule, the pressure exerted on that area of your life will force the misalignment to expand and eventually lead to destruction.

This is exactly what would have happened if I did not invest the time in myself to realize my BRANDENTITY. Mr. Internet Hacker would have succeeded because many of you may have fallen for the impersonation, as a result of my inability to be true to my authentic self. This proves there is nothing in your life that is more valuable than your BRAND and your IDENTITY. Those of you who do not invest the time to embrace the various philosophies, and then take action on the areas where incongruencies exist, are risking a contradiction expanding and the destruction of the HOOVER DAM in your world. This literally and figuratively opens the floodgates and makes you more susceptible and vulnerable to compromising what makes you…YOU!

Although I am working towards complete alignment between my BRAND and IDENTITY, there are times and situations that create cracks in my wall. Instead of ignoring these cracks, which represent pain, challenges, and frustrations, I have made the commitment to myself to address them and take the necessary steps to plug their existence so that they do not have the opportunity to expand.  As a result of my experiences, I am now on a mission to empower all of you to plug the cracks in your personal dam.

What I encourage you to realize is that if you are not committed to creating an IDENTITY for yourself, then there is a possibility that someone or something will compromise what is rightfully yours. Therefore, the time is here and the time is now to embark on this adventure because your BRANDENTITY is real and the IDENTITY REVOLUTION is something that no hacker, no career, no disorder, no relationship, etc. will be able to destroy.

What cracks are in your personal Hoover Dam?

What does this mean to you? Please leave a comment.

Some pictures from Flickr.

Please click on the play button in order to listen to an audio of this blog post.

Click here to download an MP3 of this Blog Post for your IPOD or any MP3 Player…