There often comes a point where people begin to fear being alone for the remainder of their life. This has absolutely nothing to do with age because I have worked with individuals as B.E. Partnering Clients who faced these challenges at all different stages of their lives. Some were in their mid twenties, others were divorced and in their 40’s or 50’s, and even one person in his late 60’s and married. I think it is important that everyone understands that you can be in a relationship, yet still feel like the loneliest person in the world. Maybe your partner is completely incongruent with you, and as a result, you share limited commonalties and a completely different perspective on what living is all about. This results in extreme controversy, nights of restless sleep, and a life where you go through the motions each and everyday.

Whenever I uncover a solution to a predicament, especially when it comes to relationships, I feel obligated to share my findings because regardless of where you are in life, this information will benefit you in more ways than you could imagine. Our relationships, more than anything else, dictate our level of happiness and fulfillment. The first relationship that must be addressed is the one with “YOURSELF” and how you perceive your self worth. If you have taken the time to love the “who you are,” then your relationship with yourself will be strong enough to allow for your relationship with someone else to thrive. On the contrary, if you do not take the time to love thyself, every relationship you will have in your life will be toxic and unfulfilling.

Now that you understand you must love thyself in order to love anyone else, there is a philosophy that I believe is often neglected, and as result, people suffer. Many of you are probably familiar with the Law of Attraction, which states that we will attract into our lives what we think about most often. In essence, like attracts like, even if like is completely contradictory to our desire. This is where the concept of loneliness enters into the picture of relationships, leading to the demise of the most critical emotion in our lives—LOVE! When someone is lonely, because they feel like there is no one in the entire world who is compatible with them, they begin to attract other people who are lonely and desperate. Remember, like attracts like. When this takes place, these two incompatible individuals begin to pursue one another because the one commonality that they share is a strong sense of loneliness. They realize when they are together, this void is temporarily filled because they now have someone to cuddle with, hold hands with, and go home with at night. This is when the journey of “love” begins to take a turn for the worse. This newfound feeling they share becomes an addiction and they do the unthinkable by getting married, buying a home, having children, and all of a sudden realizing, that they have a bigger void in their lives than ever before because they were initially attracted for all of the wrong reasons.

This philosophy has been proven in many situations such as drug addicts, who were in rehab together, have fallen in love because like attracts like, and both individuals were suffering and in need of support. Once they were no longer living a life which is controlled by their addiction, they realize that they no longer share this congruency and the relationship becomes null and void.

It is critical to realize that this scenario can also play a vital role in the magic associated with a connection of love. Because if you are operating from a place where you have learned to love thyself, where you are living with an abundant mentality, and where you have taken the time to clearly define what you are looking for in a soul mate, then once again, like attracts like, and this is exactly what will enter into your world. Many of you may think this is a fantasy mentality that would never work in the real world, but what I am adamantly proclaiming is that the philosophy of becoming who you want to spend your life with is one that has produced the only form of unconditional love known in our existence. It is your choice as to whether or not you resonate with this concept, but this model will work time and time again, so choose wisely because regardless of your decision, love attracts love as like attracts like, so love thyself first and the rest will follow!

What type of LOVE do you want to ATTRACT into your life?

What does this mean to you? Please leave a comment.

Some pictures from Flickr.

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I was working with one of my “B.E. Partnering” clients, who is an extremely successful individual on Wall Street, and he was perplexed as to why he experiences financial success in his world, but is unable to find someone to share his life with and develop an intimate relationship. I asked him if he would mind if I shared his story with all of BRANDENTITY, and he agreed. What I learned from him was that his relationships fell into one of three categories:

1. External beauty with internal emptiness
2. Geographically undesirable
3. Repeat offenders, or in other words, constantly pursuing the same type person from a prior unsuccessful relationship while expecting a different result.

This gentleman defines the concept of “desiring the undesirable” because the women he pursues are undesirable in more ways than they are actually desirable. He is turned on by challenging relationships and continues to pursue people with absolutely no chance of survival. He went as far as to admit that from the onset of most of his relationships, he is cognizant that the union will be short lived. He continued to tell me about a woman who lives in his apartment building, who he described as the “total package,” possessing both beauty inside and out, but since he feels she is “too available,” he continues to date the emotionally empty, the geographically undesirable, or the repeat offenders.

I often struggle to understand why people feel the need to pursue relationships that will result in more difficulty than pleasure. I always thought this behavior would dissipate with maturity and age, but as I have developed and become more conscious to my surrounding environment, I have realized that in some cases, the drama magnifies. There are people who choose to marry the undesirable, and in turn, live a life that is empty, hostile, and lacking in love. I believe the most critical emotion that must be experienced is LOVE, which is devastating to live without. Therefore, why do we allow ourselves to self-destruct by spending our time with “the undesirable?”

Many of you might not be able to relate with “desiring the undesirable” because you are in a solid relationship or marriage, and feel like you are falling more in love with each passing day. If this is the case, then I commend you, but at the same time, I guarantee there are people in your world who are inflicted with this challenging love syndrome. But I am going to state that love should NOT be a battle, it should NOT be a constant struggle, and it most certainly should NOT be absent from a relationship. I do believe that when we desire the undesirable, we are mistaking infatuation for love, and more often than not, allowing the excitement of what lies ahead to influence our decision. I do believe that some people find love in all the wrong places, which adds a level of difficulty to an already complex connection. I also believe it is possible to turn an undesirable relationship into a desirable one, but there are certain factors, that could impinge on whether or not a relationship of this nature will last.

There is not a universal strategy that will enable you to avoid the challenging love syndrome; however, I think it is important to experience these types of relationships in order to become clearer as to what you are truly looking for. This could result in broken hearts and divorce, but ultimately, if you take the time to look at your relationships on a deeper level, there will be many areas that will provide you with invaluable lessons. The key to this equation is NOT trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. If it is not meant to be, then please for your sake, and for the sake of the people in your world, DO NOT FORCE IT. Relationships that are forced lead to a compromised identity for both parties and a life of emptiness.

When we were children our parents told us that there are many fish in the sea, aka potential life partners; and although this is a simple cliché, it is 100% true. Therefore, if your internal voice is saying “NO,” then I encourage you to listen because desiring the undesirable will potentially result in the most important emotion being vacant from your world…LOVE!

Are you currently “desiring the undesirable”…This could be in a relationship, career, friendship, etc.? Please explain…

What does this mean to you? Please leave a comment.

Acknowledgements for the picture from Flickr

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