It’s On Me
“At the foundation of LOVE is taking personal responsibility for the good, the bad, the exciting, and the undesirable.”
- Jared Yellin
Over the past year, I have been relatively public about my HAVE IT ALL life…
I never do this to boast…
I never do this to make others feel worse about themselves…
I never do this to lift myself up…
Instead, I do this because I want YOU to see what’s possible.
When I was 20 years old, the concept of HAVE IT ALL entered my mind…
You may have heard this story before, but stick with me because this article will impact your relationship, your career, your health, your finances, and every other area that matters.
So, I was 20 years old and I realized…”I am going to EVENTUALLY be a dad.”
I knew this was NOT happening when I was 20, but eventually, this would happen.
I am not sure about you, but I don’t know many 20 year old dudes who think this way, but for me, it consumed my mind because when I was 5 years old, my parents went through a rather intense divorce.
I am sure there were worse divorces than my parents - but it was INTENSE.
And when I was 20, I realized that this was the moment when I would take PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY to ensure that by the time I became a dad - I would have 100% FREEDOM in every area that mattered to me.
But there was ONE problem…
I did not know ANYONE who had it ALL in every domain…
So, I took PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY to become what I have never seen.
And this is why I have started to share what it means to ME to HAVE IT ALL so that even if only one person in my entire life really embraces this CHOICE (and I am sure there will be millions of people), then I know I did RIGHT and I am excited for that one person (or the millions) that begin to experience this decision.
At The Foundation Of This Decision Is Always LOVE + Personal Responsibility
I don’t believe it’s possible to HAVE IT ALL without HAVING LOVE.
I am happy to have someone prove me wrong, but statistics indicate that unmarried people have a shorter life expectancy than people who have had love.
And on my road to HAVE IT ALL, I had a significant blocker that was preventing this optimal outcome…
For the record, it was NOT Lindsay preventing me from my ALL - rather my belief that it’s impossible to HAVE IT ALL without love and I was not feeding my love the way both of us desired.
Today, Lindsay is my wife, mother to our children, extraordinary entrepreneur and the love of my life but this was not always the case…
I met Lindsay one week before I launched SYNDUIT…
Quick piece of advice…
NEVER launch a relationship and launch a company within one week of one another…
I knew when I met Lindsay - something was different - and I also knew what I was about to endure with SYNDUIT, BUT - I refused to compromise on either and attempted to move both of these big decisions in the right direction.
The problem was - SYNDUIT became too successful too quickly and as a result, I was working 19 hours a day Monday-Sunday and had almost ZERO time for my new relationship.
In the beginning, Lindsay was just excited to be in my presence as I was as well, but after a year, an engagement, and an absentee fiancé, it was no longer exciting.
Lindsay and I hit a VERY hard rough patch that seemed impossible to overcome…
But we wanted it badly enough so in our last hour before our beautiful relationship would implode, we hired a coach, who made things worse.
This coach ONLY sided with me…
“Lindsay, you are just too emotional.”
“Lindsay, you are just too needy.”
“Lindsay, can’t you see what I am trying to do for us.”
And the coach echoed these statements as well which made Lindsay feel even more alone.
This was NOT her fairy tale love story…
Nor was it mine…
But everything changed one night, in one conversation, and in one action…
I got into bed at 4:30am which happened to have been my norm.
As I crept into bed, I woke Lindsay up and she looked me in the eyes and said…
“I feel like I am an inconvenience to you.”
WOW - WOW - WOW - I get the goosebumps to this day when reliving this.
And in the moment, I had TWO very normal responses and ONE extremely odd response that I could default to…
Normal Response #1 - Get mad - “Can’t you see how hard I am trying.”
Normal Response #2 - Get sad - “Oh no, I am failing you.”
Odd Response #1 - Smile - “Declare everything will change.”
Which response do you think I chose?
YES, Odd Response #1 because at that moment, I realized the problem…
I kept on telling Lindsay that if she was less emotional and less needy that our relationship would improve, but this meant I was giving her ALL of the power to make our relationship improve.
100% of the power would be out of my control until it hit me…
Maybe she is emotional because she is scared that I am never around.
Maybe she is needy because she is upset that I don’t seem to want to spend time with her.
And maybe just maybe if I took personal responsibility to put Lindsay first and to be there for her - then her emotional state and neediness would disappear.
I declared the change would happen, backed it with immense immediate action and the rest is history…
So, What Does This Story Of Lindsay Have To Do With You
When I say LOVE - it does not mean intimately.
It might be a LOVE for your health!
It might be a LOVE for your kids!
It might be a LOVE for your career!
It might be a LOVE for your friend!
It might be a LOVE for your spirituality!
It might be a LOVE for your community!
And the ONLY way - from my experience - that this LOVE becomes optimal is if you take the power back and take PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY for the outcome you are looking to cause with anyone or anything you LOVE!
If your HEALTH is your love - do something DAILY about it!
If your KIDS are your love - drop your phone at 5pm and be with them intentionally until they go-to-bed.
If your Career is your love - innovate and execute whenever you find an inefficiency.
I hope you get my point…
At the foundation of LOVE is taking personal responsibility for the good, the bad, the exciting, and the undesirable.
Just because you LOVE someone or something does not mean it will be easy…
It might be extremely difficult but if your new default is taking personal responsibility then at the very least - you have your POWER and with your POWER comes extreme impact.
I hope this lands for you on the deepest level and I REALLY hope that you embrace these three words…
IT’S ON ME!
Live with Intention,