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  • Writer's pictureJared Yellin

It’s Time...It’s Most Certainly TIME


There comes a time when your excuses have no place, your doubt is useless, and your limiting beliefs are faint. This time is called personal responsibility, and it’s time you step into it.” - Jared Yellin

There is nothing I have found more finite than giving up your power.


Blaming…

Pointing fingers…

Waiting…

Excuses…

Stagnation…

Introverting…


Very early in my relationship with Lindsay, now my wife and best friend, we needed support to find the most effective way to build a successful relationship.


I just launched a brand new company that was accelerating at warp speed.

Lindsay just began graduate school in a very competitive program.


We were moving a million miles per hour, and we just met and the intensity of our independent lives put pressure on the bond we yearned to form.


I found Lindsay overly emotional.

Lindsay found me completely not present.


However, our desire to make the relationship thrive led us to hire a coach to help create a healthier relationship.


During the first few sessions, I shared examples of how I felt Lindsay was just too darn emotional and needed to find a way to “mature” in order for me to want to spend more time with her where I was completely present.


The coach agreed with me.


She gave Lindsay a variety of assignments and exercises to become more “emotionally stable,” which actually did the exact opposite because Lindsay felt that the entire weight of the relationship relied on her, which created excessive pressure and feelings of instability.


As we walked into our fourth session, I was filled with ammunition of all the things Lindsay did that were emotionally irrational — I realized something!


I gave away my power.


I was waiting for Lindsay to control her emotions in order to give her the love she deserved.

I was waiting for Lindsay to become more emotionally rational in order to immerse myself in the relationship.

I was waiting for Lindsay to “figure herself out” so that I could show up as the best version of myself.


I GAVE my freakin power away to Lindsay, and when I did that, I pointed a finger of blame at her, which led to three fingers of YOU ARE GUILTY pointing back at ME!


And as I sat down on the couch, I could FEEL Lindsay feeling so uncomfortable about what she thought I was going to share, and then I shocked the world when the coach asked me…


“Jared, how was Lindsay’s emotional state this week?”


My response…


“I know how to solve this challenge. I am going to give Lindsay the love she deserves and the love I want to give her, and I guarantee her emotions will settle.”


We never went back to that coach - we did not need it - because Lindsay felt loved, which is all she ever wanted, and in turn, her emotions were stabilized.



Anything Less Than Taking 100% Personal Responsibility Will Ruin You



Every aspect of your life where you are not taking 100% personal responsibility will be ruined, and eventually, it will spill over and negatively affect all aspects of your existence.


For example…


If you are blaming your personal trainer for missing a session, which led to you not working out that day (which you clearly could have on your own) then you just took LESS THAN 100% personal responsibility.


This will transcend into less energy throughout the day and a greater chance of mood swings, which make you unproduct and hostile.


As a result, you don’t perform as well as you would have liked in a business meeting, and your default is to blame it on the other party because they were not focused (versus you realizing your energy was off, which made you less interesting).


Once again — LESS THAN 100% personal responsibility.


Now you arrive home in a really bad mood because you skipped your workout “because of the trainer” and your meeting did not go well “because of the lack of attention of the participant,” and now you are extra moody, which gets even worse because your significant other made chicken and you had chicken for lunch so you blame this person for making a redundant meal, but then he/she says — I texted you and you said, “Fine.” Your response should be, “You are right. Thank you for dinner.” But instead, you say, “You know I had a big meeting and was not focused, so you should have realized I took chicken for lunch.”


Once again — LESS THAN 100% personal responsibility.


This might sound like a silly story, but it happens to be YOUR STORY when you begin to point that one finger of blame and someone other than yourself, which leads to three big fat fingers of GUILT pointing right back at you 



5 Strategies To Ensure You Are Taking 100% Personal Responsibility



I really hold myself accountable to taking 100% personal responsibility at all times because I don’t want to give my power away. This has nothing to do with being a control freak of anything other than myself and my outcomes. EVERY single time I have pointed a finger and blamed someone for something I did not have or get or experience has led to even LESS of what I wanted to achieve. 


The LACK OF personal responsibility is an enhancer of everything you don’t desire, so it actually makes the situation worse, which is why I decided to audit what I have done over the years to almost always operate from a space of 100% personal responsibility and here are the 5 strategies I have uncovered…


1. Always Do What You Say You Will Do


Talk is CHEAP - if you say you are going to do something - just freakin do it.


Don’t blame the weather.

Don’t blame your child.

Don’t blame your significant other.

Don’t blame your boss.

Don’t blame the alarm clock.


Just do what you say you will do in the time frame you say you will do it, and if anything changes, just communicate it to whoever should know. 


I get it - there will be times you fall short - and someone might even call you out on it, but that is the true test of 100% personal responsibility because you either will blame something other than yourself or you will own it and have the power to use for yourself, but this is a black or white situation which means — you must decide.


BLAME

Versus

OWNERSHIP


And trust me when I say — OWNERSHIP ALWAYS wins!


2. Surprise and Delight


Another great strategy is to just go above and beyond, which means don’t just stop when you accomplish or complete whatever it is that you set out to do — DO MORE!


DO one more rep.

SCHEDULE one more date.

COMPLETE one more job.

MAKE one more call.


Just DO MORE, which might surprise and delight yourself and it also might surprise and delight someone you care about.


But DON’T just stop when the job is done - similar to a 40-yard dash - the sprinter sprints through the finish line for at least 20 more yards - well, the same must hold true for everything you do.


3. Stop Keeping Score


The single fastest path to begin disintegrating any personal or professional relationship is to keep score.


Because they did BLANK, I will do BLANK.

Because they did not do something, I will not do something.


STOP keeping track of what anyone other than YOU is doing.


I would prefer to give 100% to every relationship so that the other person feels pressure to step up and give 100% as well, which will produce a 200% outcome — MORE together than we could ever achieve on our own. 


And if you decide that you must keep score - then commit to WINNING - GIVE MORE ALWAYS than you receive and never talk about how much you gave versus the other person. 


4. Pay Up


I always encourage people to gamify personal responsibility, which means if you EVER break the 100% commitment — you pay up!


Literally put $20 into something and watch that money begin to stack, which represents every moment you gave your power away, and now money away too.


Most people don’t realize how little responsibility they take until they start to see it grow, and once the $20 is in the lack of personal responsibility jar - it NEVER comes out - you burn it - because this burning of money represents the burning of relationships, opportunities, progress, etc.


Remember, the lack of personal responsibility is like cancer — it just begins to eat away at every part of your soul.


5. Find Yourself Guilty


Start becoming aware of when those three big fat fingers of GUILT are pointing at you and CALL IT OUT!


This is by far the hardest strategy because, in the moment of giving away your power, you are the most weak, vulnerable, exposed, etc., and this tends to be when your EGO will show up, and it’s soooooo hard to suppress this reaction because its strong and you gave your power up but you must win the arm wrestle with it and declare your guiltiness as quickly as possible by saying…


“I am WRONG. I am sorry. I will take 100% personal responsibility to fix this.”


There must be a need for speed here so that the damage of NOT taking 100% personal responsibility is minimal and you can step back into your power, strength, fortitude, and potential. 



Now What?


Here’s my answer to this question…


Don’t over-romanticize this…

Don’t overthink it…

Don’t overanalyze it…


JUST DO IT!


EVERYTHING is better when you take 100% personal responsibility - I mean it - 100% of your life is better when you commit to 100%.


So…


JUST DO IT and SHARE HOW MUCH STRONGER YOU ARE AS A RESULT!


I am here for you always - TOGETHER.


Live with Intention,






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