"Many people use the excuse of unconditional love to settle for less than they deserve…
I say this…
LOVE yourself first…
Be true to your CODE…
And then decide who experiences your unconditional love."
- Jared Yellin
Why do people stay committed to things that are not only NOT serving them but also creating harm and a negative impact to their quality of life?
Most people associate unconditional love with their intimate relationship, but I see it as something more inclusive…
Career…
Idea…
Hobby…
Art…
Relationship…
Vision…
Etc.
Unconditional love is something that I encourage people to reassess because there is a good chance that what you attach these words too is creating more pain than pleasure, more harm than good, and more restriction than freedom.
Stick with me please - this could be a breakthrough article for you!
I know artists who unconditionally love their art, but can’t put food on their table…
I know entrepreneurs who unconditionally love their idea, but can’t rub two sticks together…
I know people who unconditionally love their religion, but they have made seismic compromises to be accepted…
To me…
LOVE is more than enough and having conditions with LOVE is a positive because it helps create boundaries and boundaries are one of the key elements to FREEDOM!
For example…
If you unconditionally love your idea, your hobby, your art (fill in the blank), but because of your idea, your hobby, your art (fill in the blank) you don’t put your kids to sleep, you don’t see your spouse, you don't get to the gym, you don’t have money, and/or you don’t have meaningful life experiences, etc. AND you remain committed because of your attachment to unconditional love, then I call this an excuse to not have what you want and fear of letting go.
VERSUS
If you only LOVE your idea, your hobby, your art (fill in the blank), it’s a healthier, less dependent relationship where you have set boundaries around what you will tolerate and as long as you hold firm on these boundaries, you will have the ability to decide how much time to invest into your idea, your hobby, your art (fill in the blank) in order to only have positive benefits from your idea, your hobby, your art (fill in the blank).
Here’s what I have realized in my life as someone who wears their heart for the world to see, is in love with being in love, has wild levels of passion and enthusiasm, and yet…
VALUES FREEDOM MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE!
First…
You must LOVE yourself...
You must feel worthy of letting go of what you initially declared as your unconditional love…
Your idea, your hobby, your art (fill in the blank)
Yes, this might have served you well in the past, but maybe it’s stealing from what you want today and tomorrow and everyday forward.
Second…
You must PROGRAM YOUR CODE…
“Some have defined their values, but few have programmed their CODE. Your values are what you believe, while your CODE is how you live.” -Jared Yellin
Your CODE allows for decision making to become easier because as you begin to reassess your unconditional loves from your past you can filter them through your CODE and they either align (which means you keep doing them) or they don’t (which means you eliminate them).
Your CODE removes the emotion from difficult decisions when it’s weeding out an idea that is stealing time from your kids OR a hobby that is leading to poor discipline OR an art that is making it challenging to put food on the table.
For me…
Part of my CODE is FREEDOM which is the ability to do whatever I want, whenever I want, and as often as I want without ever asking “CAN I,” and only boldly declaring…”I CAN!”
This made my unconditional love of bodybuilding from my high school and college years a thing of the past - easily - because it was holding me captive in key areas….
1 - It would have taken time from my children.
2 - It would have taken time from my relationship with Lindsay.
3 - It would have taken time from my business ventures.
4 - It would have removed certain life experiences with travel, eclectic food, etc.
5 - It would have restricted freedom.
For the above example…
I LOVE MYSELF FIRST!
THEN
I filtered bodybuilding through my CODE!
This is what I do with everything…
I had a business venture at the end of 2019 that initially was an unconditional love until 6 months in I realized that it violated my code so it had to be filtered out.
There is extraordinary power in having BOUNDARIES to your love - it leads to FREEDOM!
Third…
Deploy your unconditional love (which happens to be love with boundaries) into the worthy…
Once you love yourself first…
AND you have programmed your CODE…
You can deploy your LOVE with boundaries.
BOUNDARIES are your CODE…
Your CODE is what enables you to have the life you ultimately desire…
YOUR CODE is something that YOU and only YOU can influence…
YOUR CODE is something that YOU and only YOU can program…
YOUR CODE is something that YOU and only YOU can fully understand…
So…
You might decide to continue with your idea, your hobby, your art (fill in the blank) and it might make ZERO sense to anyone but you…
But as long as you LOVE YOURSELF and feel worthy of the life you desire…
AND your idea, your hobby, your art (fill in the blank) aligns with your CODE…
THEN LOVE BABY LOVE!
AND you might decide to abandon your idea, your hobby, your art (fill in the blank) and it might make ZERO sense to anyone but you…
But as long as you LOVE YOURSELF and feel worthy of the life you desire…
AND your idea, your hobby, your art (fill in the blank) does NOT align with your CODE - then deploy that love elsewhere!
I hope this article gives you the permission to continue loving with boundaries that of which serves you and aligns with your CODE.
AND
Enables you to eliminate that of which DOES NOT SERVE you and DOES NOT align with your CODE!
I know - this is NOT easy - but I promise it’s sooooo damn worth it!
Live with Intention,
