“There is a very fine line between
IN-service of and DIS-service of…”
- Jared Yellin
I believe that the single most important decision that every person is forced to make numerous times over the course of their lives is when it is the RIGHT opportunity to LET GO.
LET GO means eliminate something that is no longer serving you.
LET GO means cutting ties with someone that is holding you back.
LET GO means focusing more on the value of your time than the value of the investment you made.
LET GO means creating space for more of what you ultimately desire.
But letting go is sooooooooooooooooo hard for people…
“I already invested a ton of money into this program, I need to at least finish it.”
“I have been with this person for the past 5 years, how can I just end it?”
“I have been coaching for ten years, how can I move on?”
“I have been dancing all my life, how can I stop now?”
But what if the program is now stealing your time because it is not serving you….
But what if the person is not your ideal mate and now you are beginning to waste precious time…
But what if your coach is no longer what you need and holding on is holding you back…
But what if dancing served its purpose in your life and now it is stealing your happiness...
There are truly countless LET GO situations that we are all faced in life and if you don’t have what you want RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW in any domain, I guarantee it’s because you are holding on for too long…
Relationships
Health Plan
Coaching
Programs You Purchased
Friends
Business Ventures
Partners
Career
Hobbies
Geographics
Finances
Religion
Spirituality
This is an endless list and like I said…
If you don’t have what you want in any domain, it’s 100000000% because you are holding on to something or someone that is NOT serving your NEEDS and DESIRES and GOALS for today!
Everything in life falls into ONE of two categories…
IN-service of YOU
DIS-service of YOU
There is a fine line between each and it’s critical that you are honest and self-aware to know if that line has been crossed.
IN-SERVICE looks like more money, more time, and more life experiences.
DIS-SERVICE looks like less money, less time, and no life experiences.
Far too many people try and convince themselves that something is serving them because they are either too afraid to let go completely or at the very least dial back.
They are concerned that people will judge them…
They are concerned that they will be considered a failure…
They are concerned that time was wasted…
They are concerned about everything other than what they should be concerned about…
Their TIME…
Their MONEY…
Their LIFE EXPERIENCE…
Their ULTIMATE DESIRES…
Their WELL-BEING...
Their HAPPINESS…
Their ability to HAVE IT ALL…
Time, money, experience, happiness, well-being <<< this is what actually matters.
Not the money you pre-paid for a program that is no longer serving you…
Not the time you invested into a specific group that is not progressing your business...
Not the years you committed to the wrong person…
Not the religion you grew up following that is no longer aligned with your values…
Not the Mastermind you are in which was once perfect and now is stealing time from your kids...
Not the health plan that worked the first time but is preventing you from hitting your new target…
Listen, you can absolutely ignore EVERY WORD I share in this article and I promise you I will still love and yearn to support you, but I am positive…
You will NOT have what you want in any area where you are operating from the space of DIS-service.
And eventually…
ONE DIS-service leads to many many many DIS-services!
For example…
If you are in a 6-month program to learn a new skill and months 1-3 were completely IN-service of your hopes and desires then AMAZING.
But if at month 4 it begins to feel like the program has become a DIS-service but you continue anyway because you already paid the money, committed to the group you are working with, feel a sense of obligation, etc. here’s the ripple effect…
Less time for your kids
Less time for your spouse
Less time for the actions that will propel your business forward
Less time for a different program that will serve you more
Less time for your health
Less happiness because of the above
Less quality of life because of the above
All of the LESS is 100% because you are holding onto something for too long as it crossed the chasm and has become a DIS-service of what you want in your life.
Forget the money you spent…
Forget the group you committed to…
Forget the sense of obligation…
And start focusing on what matters most…
What YOU want from your life MOST!
Want another example…?
I will share a personal story for you and I could offer dozens on this exact topic because I am in a constant state of assessing and reassessing the areas of my life to ensure that everything is always in the place of IN-service and I have zero qualms at this point about eliminating things that cross the chasm into DIS-service of…
What I care about most is what you need to learn to care about…
I care about MYSELF and what I define as MATTERS MOST - more on this in a moment!
Okay, now for the story.
In November of 2019, I launched a company that at the time was completely IN-service of what I wanted in my life.
My highest values of Family, Health, Mission, Finances, Entrepreneurship, Adventure, and Freedom were met and accelerated because of this new venture.
And it showed…
The venture took off and was wildly successful very quickly which was exhilarating, but as the company began to settle and the partners got to know one another better it became apparent that this venture crossed the chasm from IN-service of my hopes, dreams, and desires into the land of DIS-service of my hopes, dreams, and desires.
Most people would have stuck it out and in the end, lived an extremely compromised life.
Less time for family…
Less time for health…
Less time for mission…
Less money….
Less other endeavors…
Less adventure…
Less freedom…
For me, once I realized that I was in a space of DIS-service, there were only two options…
Option 1 - Dial it back
Option 2 - Eliminate
Since I was a Co-Founder and dialing it back would have been unfair to the partners, so I chose option 2 even though…
I would lose money…
I would lose time…
I would lose new relationships…
I would lose newly created assets...
I would lose the momentum…
But I would GAIN my highest values…
Family
Health
Mission
Finances
Entrepreneurship
Adventure
Freedom
Listen, you are NOT wrong for holding on too long, but you are NOT doing RIGHT by yourself…
And I have a feeling that there has been a decision you NEED to make for wayyyy too long and this article might have just pushed you to the place of…
I’m ready...but I’m scared!
This is the most important decision that you will make time and time again and you should assess all areas of your life regularly to see what is IN-service of and what is in DIS-service of.
When you have the courage to take an open and honest assessment of the outcomes (for better or for worse) of the actions you are taking…
It will become crystal clear…
To be IN-service of…?
To be in DIS-service of…?
That is the question…
And here’s the process I personally follow….
Step One: What am I assessing?
For me, I assess every action I consistently take from business ventures, people I associate with, and really anything that takes my time.
I then plug this ACTION into this question….
Is _____________________(fill in the blank with whatever you are assessing) IN-service of or a DIS-service of the areas that matter most to me?
Then I HONESTLY fill out this chart which has MY highest values on the left side and you should replace these values with your own...
This must be a black or white decision and if you are finding that the action you are assessing continues to fall in the gray then you should just put it in the DIS-service category because the reason it’s gray is just your fear of LETTING GO! When someone is RIGHT - it’s a HELLS YES THIS IS WORTH IT and anything other than that response is a DIS-service in my world.
Step Two - Dial Back or Eliminate
Once you compare your action against your values, anything in the DIS-service category must head down the path of “Dial Back or Eliminate.” What this means is that maybe the solution is just less time invested into the action in order for it to fall back into the IN-service category.
I am not telling you to grab a machete and cut everything out of your life that is in the DIS-service category, but I am encouraging you to be honest with yourself and dial back to an appropriate level so that you can move this action into the IN-service category.
OR just downright eliminate it!
For example…
I have a friend who was part of a daily mastermind meetup and when she did this exercise she realized that the meetup was a DIS-service to her values, but that the relationships she established in the meetup were precious so she dialed it back and tweaked it a bit to create her own meetup wit the people she enjoys the most. Now the daily mastermind is IN-service of her values.
Both dialing back and eliminating create MORE TIME for you to put into the actions that are IN-service of your goals, dreams, and ultimate desires.
Step Three - Honor Your Decision And Move Forward
The only way this exercise will fail you is if you second guess your decision.
If you second guess the elimination or the dialing back you won’t fully benefit from the process and then you will declare it did not work and then you will retreat back to what you had before since it’s “comfortable,” yet preventing you from what you ultimately want.
So...honor your decision and just move forward. You must trust your intuition because it has and will never guide you down the wrong path...the only way you don’t get what you want is when you ignore this beautiful and perfect internal voice.
Whenever DOUBT emerges for me (which at this point no longer happens but did when I first started this process many years ago), I would say the following…
Trust yourself
Trust your desires
Trust your internal voice
Trust your decision
Trust that you will end up where you are meant to be…
This is all about TRUST so please honor your decision and move forward….
Once again, you can absolutely disagree with me completely on IN-service and DIS-service and eliminating or dialing back everything in the DIS-service category, but all I can tell you is this…
I have it all because of this exercise and EVERY person I have helped go through this process also either HAS IT ALL or is on their way.
I encourage you to give it a shot even if it appears painful, overwhelming, and impossible because on the other side of this fear is what you ultimately desire.
I am here for you always…
Stay IN-service of YOU.
Live with Intention,
