“I want to be wanted, NOT needed.”
- Jared Yellin
I have always believed that at the root of self-worth is this question…
Do you want to be WANTED or NEEDED?
NEEDED = lack of self-worth
WANTED = full of self-worth
And this premise applies in every area of your life…
Relationships
Parenting
Business
Let’s dig into each…
But before we do - this message is ONE MAN’S opinion.
You can hate it…
You can berate it...
You can love it…
You can ignore it…
And I personally don’t care because I do know that at least one other person (and maybe many other people) will see this as an opportunity to shift, alter, or change an area of their life for the better.
So, without further adieu, let’s break 'em down...
Relationships - Countless couples have a NEED relationship where one or both partners can’t exist without the other. Decision-making becomes a group activity, a sense of unique identity does not exist, and one or both people are typically suppressed emotionally and with their character.
NEED equals I can’t live without and from my perspective relationships are strongest when the dynamic creates a 1+1= WAYYYYY more than 2 versus a 1+1=1 which is how I define a NEED relationship.
Parenting - I know this topic is one that might generate some serious disagreement, but I don’t want my kids to NEED me, rather WANT me. I want them to grow up with an independent mind, body, and spirit. I want them to know they can do anything with or without me. NEED as a parent is a parent who is struggling with self-worth. And for those that know me - DAD is my only responsibility I care about. I would give away everything in my life to maintain this gift of being a father, so for me to say that I want my kids to WANT me instead of NEED me truly depicts how powerful this premise is to live by.
Business - I remember when I launched SYNDUIT in my apartment 9+ years ago...I was sitting by myself envisioning a moment when I would become obsolete because the company would no longer NEED me, rather WANT me. Once again - NEED and WANT are the ultimate test of self-worth and for me - any business I launch should only WANT my involvement versus NEED me to be integrated into every facet of the organization. When an owner remains the operator they become the reason the business succeeds or fails which is the single greatest limitation for the organization. For many years, SYNDUIT NEEDED me (like badly) and as a result - the company remained very small. The moment that we transitioned from NEED to WANT, the company grew and my life accelerated. This premise holds true with CILA LABS as well…
I told my mom the other day…
“CILA and software will become synonymous which means when someone thinks of software they will think of CILA. The next thing that will come to mind is - who founded that company?”
My point with this statement and question is…
Let your business thrive without you - and gain self-worth from what you see in the mirror versus being NEEDED.
Okay, there are many other areas where the NEED vs WANT premise exists including health, spirituality, religion, etc. but I hope you get my point.
And listen - if you still want to be NEEDED in your relationship, with your kids, and with your business - all the power to you - but it’s my strongest opinion if that if you were to dig beneath the surface of this desire you would realize that it is rooted in insecurity.
The reason I ONLY will accept WANT versus NEED is because I am whole…
I am confident…
I am secure…
I am fully aware of my greatness…
I challenge you today - try it on for size - step into WANT versus NEED.
Live with Intention,
