“WHAT IF… You are EXACTLY where you should be And Have gone through EXACTLY what you needed to.” -Jared Yellin
We have all heard the cliche…
“The universe will never GIVE you more than you can handle.”
Do you believe this?
I mean like REALLY believe it…
Don’t just say YES if when you are in a trying situation your default is WHY ME…
Don’t just say YES if when the going gets tough, you quit…
Don’t just say YES if when you don’t get the outcome you want, you become the victim…
Don’t just say YES if when you feel stuck, you stay stuck…
The number of people who spew cliches that they don’t live by is painfully disturbing and I’m here to challenge all of those “sound good and make sense” statements if you are only speaking them versus living them…
1 - Actions speak louder than words...
2 - The grass is always greener on the other side...
3 - The apple doesn't fall far from the tree...
4 - You can't judge a book by its cover...
5 - You can't please everyone…
AND…
6 - The universe will never GIVE you more than you can handle.
The cliches that make all of the sense in the world and sound sooo darn good are often not lived by...
1 - STOP telling people that ACTIONS speak louder than words but NOT taking action.
2 - STOP looking for the greener grass and just start fertilizing your own with what you got.
3 - STOP using genetics or a poor upbringing as your excuse.
4 - STOP judging people on the outside.
5 - STOP trying to please everyone.
AND…
6 - STOP feeling like a victim because of COVID, the election, divorce, sickness, bankruptcy, lack of resources, etc.
If you are willing and able to spew the cliche, then you better be willing and able to LIVE the cliche...
Listen, this article is NOT about cliches, although I would be remiss if I didn’t express the importance to STOP TALKING and START LIVING.
But, here’s what this article is about…
EVERYTHING in life…
The great…
The challenging...
The painful…
The exciting…
The WINS…
The LOSSES...
EVERYTHING in life happens FOR YOU and NOT TO YOU!
This might be the most breakthrough cliche you can adopt not only as part of your belief system but even more importantly, as your ACTION system.
When Situation A emerges…
What is your default?
WHY ME??
Or
YES ME!
Ugh, how will I be able to emerge?
Or
YES, bring it on world, I am ready!
My life is just so difficult...I can’t!
Or
My life is filled with opportunity...I can!
Please don’t mistake what I am saying as “positive self-talk” because that is NOT what I am implying to at all - but rather what I am referring to is where your mindset and actionset meet.
Your mindset is the immediate response to a situation…
Your actionset is what you do with that response…
For example…
COVID is shutting down the world and creating challenges for every person on the planet....
Your mindset will default to your victim or your hero…
Victim = Paralyzed and afraid
Hero = Excited and ready
Most people think that MINDSET is everything - but it’s only 50% of the journey…
Because even people who default to HERO might not do anything about this belief and as a result, they don’t get what they want other than a positive reaction.
The majority of people who go to a personal development seminar step into a HERO mindset, but they don’t make any meaningful changes in their life and the reason for the lack of results is...
The other 50% of your journey is your ACTIONSET…
Your actionset will default to stagnation or execution…
You can be in a HERO mindset and stagnant = 99% of the personal development industry!
You can be in a VICTIM mindset and stagnant = 99% of the world that doubts themselves!
And your mindset and actionset are NOT correlated…
Your actionset is a discipline and a driving force…
The driving force looks like this…
My mindset is a VICTIM and I won’t allow myself to reside there...
My mindset is a HERO and I feel pressure to prove I am…
And the lack of a DRIVING force looks like this…
My mindset is a VICTIM so I better just let time pass until things calm down…
My mindset is a HERO so I am going to think about all I want to eventually do in the world...
If anything you just read did not land - read it again!
Understanding the role of mindset and actionset and how they are not correlated is absolutely essential for you to get whatever it is you desire in life…
AND the contrary is true as well…
If you decide to only SPEW cliches without having the wise words penetrate your mindset and actionset then you absolutely will NOT get what you want in life and it’s best to not even spew the cliche in the first place...
And For The RECORD… Zero judgment if you decide to ignore me, debate me, or not believe me, but this is where your breakthrough will live.
Let’s get back to this cliche for a moment…
“The universe will never GIVE you more than you can handle.”
Personally, I committed early on in life to recognize that things happen FOR ME…NOT…TO ME.
FOR ME sounds like this…
“Thank you for this opportunity to learn and grow.”
“I got this.”
“Nothing can stop me.”
“I am ready!”
TO ME sounds like this…
“I can’t take this anymore.”
“Why me?”
“I always get the short end of the stick.”
“I just have the worst luck.”
In every WONDERFUL and CHALLENGING situation that takes place or has taken place in my life I ask a specific question 7x…
X1 - What did I learn?
X2 - What did I learn?
X3 - What did I learn?
X4 - What did I learn?
X5 - What did I learn?
X6 - What did I learn?
X7 - What did I learn?
By the time I get to the 7th question, I am crystal clear on why this situation was a FOR ME and not a TO ME…
BUT…
Most people don’t even ask the question ONE time.
They just default to VICTIM, CAN’T, WHY ME, etc.
So if you are someone who never looks for meaning - trust me when I say - your breakthrough is in this question.
Let me just restate this one more time…
YOUR BREAKTHROUGH IS IN THIS QUESTION!
And If You Don’t Believe Me...SEE IT IN ACTION!
My parents went through a vicious divorce when I was 5 years old - FOR ME!
X1 - What did I learn?: My childhood was noisy and my future would not be.
X2 - What did I learn?: Communication skills are the foundation of a successful intimate relationship.
X3 - What did I learn?: The devastation of self-sabotage.
X4 - What did I learn?: How to neutralize your surroundings to get what you want.
X5 - What did I learn?: Never give up on what you define as true love.
X6 - What did I learn?: Resilience and fortitude are required if you want your ALL.
X7 - What did I learn?: Have non-negotiables in your personal life and never waiver.
I had many extremely intense and destructive personal relationships - FOR ME!
X1 - What did I learn?: Clarity on what matters to me.
X2 - What did I learn?: Go all in with your love.
X3 - What did I learn?: Vulnerability is a strength.
X4 - What did I learn?: Introspection is such a gift to understand your drivers.
X5 - What did I learn?: Blindspots in my ability to build depth within relationships.
X6 - What did I learn?: Clarity of my non-negotiables in my personal life.
X7 - What did I learn?: “Have it all” mentality.
I have been in multiple frivolous lawsuits - FOR ME!
X1 - What did I learn?: Character is everything in business partnerships.
X2 - What did I learn?: Protect the temple empire you are building.
X3 - What did I learn?: If someone does not feel right they are not right.
X4 - What did I learn?: Setup relationships for WIN-WIN versus WIN for them and burn out for me.
X5 - What did I learn?: Deal structure for ultimate protection.
X6 - What did I learn?: Accountability structures and agreement around expectations.
X7 - What did I learn?: How to have the hard conversations.
I had partnerships shift from “ideal” to “out of integrity” - FOR ME!
X1 - What did I learn?: When integrity is breached, there is no reason to continue.
X2 - What did I learn?: How someone is in ONE area is how they are in ALL areas.
X3 - What did I learn?: Integrity is a universally defined word - do what’s right regardless of who is watching.
X4 - What did I learn?: Do as I do, NOT as I say I do.
X5 - What did I learn?: If someone even remotely feels wrong, the dynamic is wrong.
X6 - What did I learn?: Listen to your gut.
X7 - What did I learn?: I am willing to sweat, but I am not willing to bleed.
I invested and lost insane amounts of money - FOR ME!
X1 - What did I learn?: How to ask better questions.
X2 - What did I learn?: Trust with conditions.
X3 - What did I learn?: “Prove yourself first” mentality.
X4 - What did I learn?: When something smells off - it’s off!
X5 - What did I learn?: Checks and balances.
X6 - What did I learn?: How to do TECH right.
X7 - What did I learn?: Who my CTO must be - Mani!
I have had 100’s of opportunities to deploy the WHAT DID I LEARN x7 process and each time has led to new levels of self-awareness and the realization that EVERY life event is happening FOR ME and NOT TO ME!
But please don’t read this article and sing my praise…
This has NOTHING to do with me but rather everything to do with your belief around…
FOR ME…NOT…TO ME.
And you have a choice to make right here and right now…
Which is…
FOR
Or
TO?
Listen - this is hard work and even to do this day I have moments where I will default to a TO ME mentality, but I have not only conditioned myself to rise out of this mindset, but to also step into ACTIONSET which is where FOR ME lives.
FOR ME is not something you think about - it’s some you do!
FOR ME is not a feeling - it’s pure execution!
FOR ME is not an emotion - it’s LITERALLY TAKING STEPS!
Everything in my life happens FOR ME - for better or for worse - and I encourage you to tap into the FOR ME actionset because if you truly want to have it ALL - which I know you do - this must become your new default.
This Is How To Step Into FOR ME…
If you have read this far, it’s a sign that you are ready…
You are ready to step into FOR ME…
You are ready for your ACTIONSET…
You are ready to HAVE IT ALL…
And the steps are simple - the execution is not - because you will need to face limiting beliefs, outside critics, and even some emotional pain in certain situations. But I promise you that it’s not only worth it - but this way of operating will radically change your life.
Step 1 - Life event happens - allow yourself to feel without inhibitions!
People often default to numbness whether an event is positive or negative…
They don’t give themselves the opportunity to feel…
They don’t give themselves the chance for emotions to emerge…
They don’t give themselves the option to experience pain or pleasure…
ALLOW yourself to FEEL the life event…
If this means CRY...CRY!
If this means YELL...YELL!
If this means CELEBRATE...CELEBRATE!
Each of the 5 life events from above ranging from lawsuits, to divorce, to failed partnerships, to big financial wins, and everything in between left me with a FEELING.
The feeling is the MINDSET and it’s my chance to decide VICTIM or HERO!
Step 2 - What did I learn x7?
After you allow yourself to feel for at most ONE DAY, now it’s LearnX7 which is your chance to ask the same question 7x and answer it over and over again just with more depth each time…
X1 - What did I learn?
X2 - What did I learn?
X3 - What did I learn?
X4 - What did I learn?
X5 - What did I learn?
X6 - What did I learn?
X7 - What did I learn?
This exercise will help you select the HERO mindset 100% of the time and if you already selected the HERO mindset after Step 1 - it will reinforce your decision. My goal for you is to default to HERO because once in HERO you are absolutely ready for step 3 in a frictionless manner...
Step 3 - Step into Actionset within 24-hours
Okay, you are in the final step for the FOR ME mentality and I am excited for you right now because the final step is stepping into ACTIONSET within 24-hours of answering your 7th LearnX7 question.
Do something…
DOOOO something….
DOOOOOOOO something!
This is sooooo key and it will separate you from the rest of the world because ACTIONSET is where the rubber meets the road…
It’s where you create your WEDGE which is the gap between where you are now and where you have been before…
It’s what enables you to turn any life experience into a FOR ME opportunity!
YES, this is hard work.
And
YES YES YES it is worth it!
I said this before and I will say it again....
Everything in my life happens FOR ME - for better or for worse - and I encourage you to tap into the FOR ME thinking because if you truly want to have it ALL - which I know you do - this must become your new default.
Here for you always - step into your FOR ME...today!
Live with Intention,
JY