“When you are willing to die in someone else's eyes, you can finally live in your own.” -Jared Yellin
I want to give a shoutout to my parents because BY FAR the best thing they did for me is let me be ME!
I am sure there were plenty of times they did not agree with my decisions.
I am sure there were countless occasions where they were uncomfortable with my actions.
I am sure there were a multitude of sleepless nights as I pursued my dreams.
But they NEVER projected their feelings, limitations, goals, etc. on ME and instead – they let me be ME!
And as much as I feel fortunate for having parents who did not get in my way - AT ALL - the number of people I have encountered who had the exact opposite (and still do) is frightening.
PARENTS – STOP trying to get your child to fulfill your unfulfilled dreams.
PARENTS – STOP pretending like you “only want to keep your child safe” because you have limiting beliefs
PARENTS – STOP projecting “your right” on your child and instead let them uncover “their own right!”
The irreparable damage that a parent (or teacher, preacher, sibling, friend, colleague, etc.) will cause when they attempt to stifle the goals, aspirations, and dreams of someone else only because it makes them uncomfortable is unimaginable.
You will NEVER be able to clean this slate ever again, but here’s the reality…
If you are on the receiving end of someone else's opinion of you and you listen – it’s YOUR FAULT!
You made the decision to compromise your desires…
You made the choice to live their truth versus your own…
You made the commitment to not experience freedom…
No, their peer pressure or parental pressure is just a BS excuse because you did not have the courage to be YOU!
Countless people have doubted me…
Countless people have tried to bring me down…
Countless people thought they knew better for me…
But guess what…
Countless people don’t matter – because the only person who matters is ME when the topic is ME!
“You don’t have what it takes.”
“You are a bad writer.”
“You will never accomplish your goal.”
“You don’t know what you don’t know.”
“Your moonshot is absurd.”
Nearly everyday someone else is trying to judge the way I operate as an entrepreneur, father, husband, and human and guess what…
EVERY judgment is just a reinforcement that I am onto something and that I am important enough for this person to even think about me when, in reality, they don’t cross my mind.
But just so you REALLY understand why their views don’t matter, here are six additional reasons…
6 Reasons Why The Opinions Of Others Don’t Matter
Reason 1: The only permanent fixture in your life is YOU.
Every person who has entered your life or is in your life will come and go because of death, misaligned values, evolutionary interests, geographics, etc.
And this REALLY matters because the person or people casting judgment on you are temporary, whereas YOU are forever.
So why care?
Why do their views matter more than your own when the only person who will be impacted by whatever decision you make is YOU?
They might pretend like they care, but the only reason they care is because you make them uncomfortable, and the one thing in life I know that is true is…
I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE FEELINGS THAT OTHER PEOPLE CHOOSE TO HAVE!
Their discomfort is THEIR issue – not YOURS!
Reason 2: All happiness is internal.
The only sustainable joy you will ever achieve in life is based on how much you love yourself.
ALL HAPPINESS stems from your internal beliefs around you.
And since this is the case – how could you be happy if you know you are not DOING YOU and instead, you are DOING someone else's beliefs of you?
I am sure you know the saying…
Money doesn't buy happiness.
This is ACCURATE, but what money ACTUALLY does is spotlight your internal happiness or misery.
The same holds true for your intimate relationships, health, career, etc.
All of these “things” are spotlights on whether you experience joy or pain internally.
Therefore, the opinion of someone else will NEVER make you happen - BUT WHAT WILL - is the opinion you have of yourself.
Reason 3: The views of others will never pay your bills.
I am going to keep the identity of this person secure, but there is someone in my life who has such extreme opinions on nearly every decision I make that it consumes their life. Here’s what I know to be true…
Their VIEWS of me don’t pay my bills.
SO...
I invest less than ZERO percent of my attention on the opinions that this person has OR, for that matter, what anyone thinks of the decisions I make.
Because every decision I make is hyper-intentional in every domain.
So casting judgment…
Being an armchair quarterback…
Thinking you know better…
NONE of this works with me because NONE of this makes me money, creates joy, or leads to more freedom!
Reason 4: There is nothing worse than regret.
There has never been anyone on their deathbed who wanted anything besides more time to complete or experience something that was unresolved.
And the source of nearly every void when someone is at their end is a moment in their past when the judgment from someone else defeated their certainty.
They did not pursue their entrepreneurial dream.
They did not allow themselves to completely fall in love.
They did not go on the adventure.
They did not attempt to have a 4th child.
Please realize…
THERE IS NOTHING WORSE THAN REGRET!
If it won’t matter on your deathbed, it most certainly should not matter on your life-bed.
AND the contrary holds true as well…
If it will matter on your deathbed, most certainly DO IT on your life-bed.
Reason 5: Their opinions are their own limiting beliefs that you will adopt as your own.
If your parents tell you not to pursue your dream, it’s only because they never pursued their own.
If your friend is telling you not to fall madly in love with your soulmate, it’s only because they never allowed themselves to go all in.
If your colleague is calling you crazy for quitting, it’s only because they lack the courage to do the same.
There are 100s of situations that you will face, and the KEY for you is to realize…
EVERY judgment thrown your way is someone projecting their own insecurities on you because you are making them feel insecure.
And only one of two things will happen…
They win, and you cave.
You win, and you win!
ALWAYS opt in for #2!
Reason 6: What’s the worst that can happen?
The absolute worst outcome possible to pursuing YOU and not making it is…
“I told you so.”
Four words.
That is the ABSOLUTE worst-case scenario.
Well, not really.
The WORST WORST WORST WORST (did I say WORST) case scenario is that you listen to the “judger” and NEVER KNOW what could have been possible.
And I promise you…
Those 4 words mean NOTHING when compared to the REGRET of never trying.
Now What?
Now What?
Stop giving a SH**!
Stop caring!
Stop worrying about what anyone else thinks about you!
The only APPROVAL you need is YOUR OWN!
I have NEVER met anyone who enjoys their life and has adopted the limiting beliefs of those around them.
I get it – your parents are ashamed that you pursued your dream. It’s only because they did not pursue theirs!
I get it – your friends are mocking you for following a passion. It’s only because they did not follow their own!
I get it – your colleagues think you are crazy for quitting and attempting to manifest your desires. It’s only because they don’t have the courage to manifest theirs.
PLEASE REALIZE…
If you allow someone else to KILL who you want to become, they will.
BUT if you are willing to die in someone else's eyes, you can finally live in your own.
And I promise this will become the most liberating experience you could ever imagine and the outcome you are striving towards will be the secondary benefit because the first WIN is that you had the courage to DO YOU!
I pray this article lands…
DIE in someone else's eyes.
SO
You can LIVE in your own!
Live with Intention,
